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| It happened one Monday! |
| Tuesday, April 16, 2013 |
Chapter 3: Theory of interjections
I walked down the aisle towards the elevator for my morning (really? i got some guts )coffee.
"Hawo yeah doin ?" like a thorough gentleman he asked with this genuine broad smile
on his face and with this pair of clear fluid eyes caressing me as if i had an
obligation to say I must be doing exotically good, like in the world would i mind this luxury.
While
i justified the smile as a polite office-decorum and a token of hope and well
beingnessof a fellow human - i presume he should have had courtesy to listen to my response. As it turned out to be, a pointless enquiry.
You
can't just ask a question and run away.. For heavens, i don't know where do you seat
and i definitely don't think it's a sign of mental liquidity on my part to take effort to find time on your calender and then apprise you of the situation i am in and explain how the heck yammaidoin!
i guess i had lost it by then and the poor guy just fell victim of my outburst.
I literally stopped him and explained to him-
"No, i am not
doing good. i have a sore throat, an incredibly stuffed nose and there is a lot of stuffing that can rest there(just look at the holding capacity of my nose, you will believe it), crumbling finances, insecure
foreseeable future and more , i can explain only when i am inebriated."
"So, Do you have a follow up question, time and patience to process my answers ?" i was at my unscrupulous best.
Caught by surprise and a situation he never experienced before , he suggested he was sorry and turned away in a haste. He pretended as if he didn't quite hear the whole thing and hence not responding as dramatically as he should had.
Like a man with respect , courtesy and integrity i would then return the kindness back and ask...
"By the way thanks for asking, how you doing"
"Good, Good,,,,very good thank you!! he ran with a sigh of relief out of the lift that opened for him like a stairway to heaven, just in time.
I continued my brisk walk to the coffee shop witnessing another two persons crossing each other,
both asking how were they doing to each other, asking the question in turn
and not caring to hear or expect an answer.
And then i realized, better, formulated my little "theory of interjection.." (c)
I think paradigm of "how you doing" greetings is a direct proponent of relative velocity(speed & direction, in case you forgot the high school kinematics) of the two persons getting engaged in that conversation.
How??
- Slow speed + Same direction : Interjections eventually transmute into long hangout knowhows starting from how-are-yous and culminating into we-should-catch-up-sometimes.
(Now depending upon the sexes of involved person, the catch up could mean coffee on a subsequent weekday or weekend beer at the local bar.)
- High
speed + Same direction : Interjections would mostly comprise of alternate sinusoidal Q&A scheme "Question-Answer&Question&Answer.." until they are at a distance when it's realistically uncivilized to continue conversation and then the involved persons believe it's befitting and not-belligerent to end the conversation abruptly.
When two persons are running against each others directions, it becomes a little more interesting...
- Slow Speed + Opposite direction : This arguably is the most precise form of interjections, where each person rallies with one set of Q&A inquiry. Of course, assumption is both of them want to talk and are not hiding their faces like a snob like me, i am today.
- High Speed + Opposite direction: Engaged individuals are courteous enough to ask the question but don't really care for the answer. Next time you encounter this, don't embarrass yourself and just throw back the question. Never mind answering.
- Very High Speed + Opposite direction: Shortest and possibly phoniest form of interjection. Question would come from either one of the participating individuals and there will be absolutely no answers-- expectation or delivery wise.
- Extreme High Speed + Opposite direction : People involved in this kind, essentially act like this other 6 fit,200 pounds of human unit never existed , atleast not in their recent encounters.Total ignorance!
I ordered my doubleshot Americano and headed back my desk for the struggle of the day.
Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
posted by Dheeraj @ 11:34 PM   |
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| It happened one Monday! |
| Tuesday, March 26, 2013 |
Chapter 2: My Other Side of the World
I reached my cube in a fizzy and started my obligations at office with the stealth of a spy. I positioned the laptop in its predefined coordinates, not that i measure it but a clearly delineated, neat and dirt-free rectangular plot on the desk defines the ambit of it's existence and it's restrictive movement by an abstract halter. I must state that the state of the rest of the desk is not socially unacceptable for a sizable group of office-goers. Though, i would agree that my desk desperately needs a women's touch.
I believe it is that mesh of the wires that demotivates me or for the fact of the matter, anyone to lift them delicately and dexterously and clean the area hidden innocuously under them, and place them back. All just too treacherous for an immobile piece of space that means no harm to anyone- it was indeed a high-risk, low-gain game. I played safe and played no such game.
These wires now exhibit all sects, attributes and nature- fat, thin, curvy, athletic-built, married, single, divorced, looking, straight and gays. "Single and looking" is the funniest one. Looking at it, it appears ultra attentive, high on heels and ready to hop on to anyone at slightest of an opportunity. I remember when i first walked into this office space years back and i saw the myriad of colors coming out that socket from under the desk, aesthetically intertwined and hidden from the cruel civilization behind the board. But one fine day, came an engineer, worked like an engineer and left corpses behind him, much like an engineer. Not to take away any credits from him, he fixed the network connectivity but the glory remained uncovered, ever since then, long after he was gone.... The solitary screw that hinged itself to the board fought gallantly but inconsequentially. It was awarded a luxurious stay at a vantage point on my desk for a long time in a romanticized hope of reunion before been binned posthumously.
And now 3 years after, those colorful wires: whites, yellows, blacks, blues, greens more or less look the same.
Some whites had turned into yellow(read pale), some turned into black, the blues turned into greasy blacks, yellow ones appear pregnant for the last 9 months with no yield while the green ones look like a worm fresh cut, permeating possibly 4th form of matter and enticing 6th sense of smell.
I have manged to look away from them by a stack of wasted printouts, a useless desktop monitor and a big old desk phone. Somewhere in a nook of my heart, i know there is dirt and part of it hopes it just goes away one day.
But knowing i will be moving away from here soon, i managed keep the desk occupiable, kept my sleeves clean and continued killing a few red ants once in a while, that managed a long walk to my laptop through those sockets and wires. I will admit to sharing a partial responsibility. It could be that apple pie i left on the keyboard that was crushed on the board by mistake. Since then the motherboard had not been only housing the circuits and chips but these red Lilliputians too.
On that Monday morning, as i opened up the laptop- i located a red ant emerging through the crevice between keys F5 and F6. As if it knew i was shooting for a kill, it quickly retracted inside. I managed to kill it but in the process, ruptured the F5 key in a rush of undeniable, intense desire to retrieve the corpse out of its burial ground. Like there was no end to the miseries, another one came gasping out from the big gaping pit created by the absence of the pointing stick at the confluence of keys G H and B.Who on earth uses that small rubber button stuck in there anyways? I wondered..
It feels funny to touch it though. And i guess, i overplayed with it before losing it forever. It was another easy kill but again.. not a great start to the morning.
I cleaned up, strictly the 'area of absolute business' and strategically kept the gym bag on the desk at an angle to hide any possible line of sight of this "other side of the world" and let it be a preposterous display of my non conformism.
Before i could take a breather, multitudes of emails popped out over the same 'burning" issue from 7 different people demanding an "ASAP" response from the same person. No prizes for guessing who that same person would be- me! And then came meeting requests, conference call requests, status update requests, 'swing by my desk' requests. I had no choice but to head for the strongest coffee ever.
Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 11:39 PM |
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| It happened one Monday! |
| Wednesday, March 20, 2013 |
Chapter 1 : Theory of Busyness
Like most of the Monday mornings, i was late to the office. It was close to half past 10 in the morning. Naturally but not proudly, i wasn't very keen to be seen with my phony laptop bag and monumentally vacillating and frequently colliding multi-purpose bag which was housing lot of utility stuff that ideally shouldn't be cohabiting in close proximity. Sneakers and lunch, water bottle and socks, underwear and hair cream, deodorant and headphones are just to name a few.
They really should innovate a new breed of men's bag that compartmentalizes these stuff. While they do exist in their independent capabilities and usage, it will be condescending to the office/work salubrity to bring in a work-out bag, a-lunch bag, a men's fashion bag for other utilities , not to forget the quintessential coffee mug. Questions will raise heads and rightfully so- Are you like sure, you're here for work? Those bags had to be designed carefully on utilitarian grounds.
As organized as they claim, a girl's bag is a jungle of beautiful mess (surprisingly it can't accommodate a sleek pen though) with unthoughtful compartmentalization and security. They leave the sides wide upon. What good are those zippers if she topples or errrr the bag topples (it never does, in able consciousness of a women) . Men's bag shouldn't be modeled after it, at all. Men need zippers that covers end to end perimeter, and a thoughtful mix of tiny,small, big compartments to house things separately.
As i parked my car in the office garage, the mind prudently calculated the shortest and safest path to tread before i reach to my office and pretend i have been there since 8 AM.
Finding the vantage path to your cube is a direct function of time of entry/ existing weather condition / day of the week among other variables. Based on my in-memory algorithm, the mind directed the limbs to take the staircases minimizing chances to be encountered with men returning from coffee break and Monday Marathon Meetings on "lost and found over the weekend" science. Encountering men is rarely rewarding , more so at that hour of intractable breach.
While this is irrelevant to the matter but in accordance to my musing , i will state it anyway. On the hind sight, encountering women on the staircases have never been a problem. It's rather a privilege for multiple reasons primarily because of the added advantage of time to converse which is invariably lost in fast moving elevators. Others benefits are too frivolous and silly to be "sighted".
Much to my dismay, the first flight of stairs and i had my executive running down the stairs. Darn, I did miss to factor in his growing awareness to ergonomics and resolution to loose weight. I noticed him coming and i impetuously used my ever-so-naive theory of busyness.
Next second, I was conversing with a ghost on the phone about the latest integration issue that was discovered. The conversation content, language and subject chosen for the circumstances vary with the kind of person to be dealt with. A person who has knowledge, authority, influence is put on the top my Jacob's ladder. In these cases, I prefer interjecting with"Sures", "ahaa- ahaas", and "rights" while folks at the lower end of the ladder hear a lot of gibberish "So the lowest denominator of the performance of the mission critical Job is defined by the fastest running component which needs to be actively monitored via the common auditing/reporting framework through a bottom-up methodology"
A nod and he passed by while i was trapped in compulsion of continuing my intense conversation for another 10 meters before i promised the ghost to to expect a call back from my desk.
Not a great start to the week, given I didn't have great weekend to compensate for a not-so-productive preceding week.
I couldn't go out to my favorite bar due to bad throat, couldn't download David Bowie's latest album, managed
innovative ways to lose money, couldn't reset my living room clock to
adjust to the day light saving as promised to my wife and some not-so-important issues.
Reeling over from Sunday night insomnia caused by a "clear and
present" danger in face of Monday, i was obviously not in best of the moods.
TBC..... with some more theoriesLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 12:30 AM |
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| Binge : Episode 2 |
| Thursday, August 27, 2009 |
What I deduce And I kept driving and playing with my cell for a long time and till the point I faced a police barricade. I tried to pull down my eyeballs from under the eyelids to the nucleus of human headlight and pretended to be a discriminated, hapless private job goer who had to stretch on the Friday night. I managed a perfect “S” swing and escaped embarrassment and some fines. I followed a Moolchand sign which am sure is nearby my place, I still couldn’t find my way back. I notice there are a few places which are only existent on signboard in Delhi. Moolchand and Mehrauli are definitely two of them. They are visible from both directions of a road. And no one lives at these places and they CONFUSE me. I realized I am quite near to my illusive place when I found a “I miss u L” writing on the underpass wall somewhere. Talking of place, there are few places which you simply end up treading no matter which directions you are coming from or going to. Mudrika(for a long time I thought this is different from ring road, for longer time I thought This is misspelled for Munirka), ring road are such examples and you get overdose of them because there are two of them. There are names of a few places which makes no sense. “East of Kailash” is one of them. I mean-Come on! Christen it! Why just give direction? The first time I asked my friend staying there “Where are you putting up? He said “East Of Kailash”.. Pause… I waited for some seconds and enquired..Okay….. and… He said “ I have just one place to stay and one small apartment”.. I said “fine, so give me some more detailed direction to reach.. “East” of Kailash… And North/South/west of what?? Adjacent to what or behind /infront of what??” Another such name is Andrews Ganj. What kind of name is this.. Anglo-Indian?? Call it ”Andrews Cross” “Andrew Avenue” .. or call it.. “Saheb Ganj” or “Gopal Ganj” What’s Andrews Ganj? Well, these were not the thoughts that swarmed me that night. I just happen to stray…. Always! I couldn’t make it to home but I did reach NFC( Now, is there Old Friends colony, or Jaani Dushman(Arch rivals) Colony J too?) By the time the eyeballs had again eclipsed behind the lids. I went to another pub but I have no idea how did I get in stag. I believe I impressed another fellow dipsomaniac with my knowledge of world economy, middle-east medieval politics and Spanish Premier League which, I admit honestly to know nothing of. What I do remember that I wasn’t allowed back in after I came out to receive a call. Quenching my dried up throat, I striked conversation with almost everyone who came around me in a radius of a meter. Mr Office Boss, I am marking off "Can get better at oral communications and conversations" from my growth area. I received enough encouraging feedbacks about it. :-) One thing I remember after that was I followed my roomie, destination was home. Next morning I woke up with the best of physical and mental state- dehydrated and drained in that order. I regained sane senses in the evening to recount the events as they unfolded the last night. I saw the mile meter. I had clocked around 120 km the night. Not bad… had parked the car at the most difficult slot possible which I never ever was able to. I looked for sign of damages.A scratch at the back, worth a price paying for a fulfilling night; yeah that’s what I thought when I rubbed against the wall. I recalled the incident. To unwind mysteries of such night, there are always more cues. Wallet! I searched my purse to find ATM slips. I deduced, I had pulled money from Dwarka and Defence colony. Okay, so I must have run out of money and gas. And while I “kept driving and playing with my cell”, I actually drove 30 kms in opposite direction. And I was not playing, I must have been texting. Another cue, check the sent messages and dialed/received calls. A lesson: If accompanied, deposit your vehicle keys and your cell with friends, when you embark on the journey of self-introspection, riding on heightened sense of capabilities drawn from alcoholic amalgam. It’s a probably not worth doing if can’t be done otherwise. Irony is, cause is the reason at many times. And the mystery unfolded. And I deduced finally: Excessive indulgence kills. Something’s keep killing, something’s just kill and pass. Cheers, Dheeraj Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Personal, Supposed to be cheap Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:18 PM |
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| Binge : Episode 1 |
| Sunday, August 9, 2009 |
Building it up
Fridays are tough days. It’s always been. So, after trying to do a lot of things at the office and failing at all of them almost, I headed back (ok where?). On Monday, either I will have to fix up Friday’s mess or get another viral infection and stay put at home letting oxygen attain its level in blood.
Took the car out from the out-parking, halted to wave at the guard who shouted “Sir, aaj sab thik na?”(everything alright?)
“Nothing has been!" I thought and motioned my head in affirmation with a faint and fake smile on my face. Well, last Monday morning when I came to park, the security guards gave me strange look as if a culprit been back to the scene of crime. Oh Well, that’s not entirely inappropriate simili.
I remember last Friday when I mistook my car as a glider and the parking lot as a hill. That was a pardonable illusion until I tried to nose-dive the machine instead of sliding down the slopes. I am friends with them(guards/and drivers) from the day onwards..:)
This would sound like Pineapple episode from HIMYM or jest of the movie Hangover.. But it happens. Not only in Vegas and NY but in India too.:)
It was 9.15 p.m, getting home takes an hour. It would be a long, lonely journey.
I studied the ample sample dataset gathered over time, used it for pattern learning and deduce the artificial intelligence which echoed with sounding vote “Just a pint,Get home ,get wasted and rest, moron. Today is no day to take any chances. Switch that cell off and keep it somewhere from where you simply can’t retrieve till the dawn.”
So,I went to the wine shop and asked “A pint.” Handing over a 500 INR currency. Well, why the heck the office ATM can’t throw up some 100s.” blame it on ATM for anything that goes wrong now.
But it’s a waste! lager- get me a strong can. “Bhaia,khulle de do”(Tender change) he asked me.
“Okay, get me two can." I retorted back.
Collecting the change I thought- Good friend Bond is home. Better, I take 2 for him. Delhi shops will be closed by then.Wise, kind, homie.
“Bhaia, make it FOUR.” Round off.
By the time I reached gas station I had finished TWO. The Usual and customary was on. Calling people, connecting to the music being played in a peculiar way, volume levels increasing, feeling brave and feeling good.
Went down the THIRD one and I called up friends to ask them out to some place. Though,Everyone is not hell bent to drink his life through. Bad liver day.
So I went on to finish the stock by the time I reached home.Gave it a hard thought,measuring my sanity. Verdict was clear and loud “Binge, dude, You so have earned it” and by doing it you may win back your infectious smile and garner some happinesss. So GO!
Hmm, its 10 already,so Faridabad is the way for me. Btw, I am utter hopeless when it comes to direction, absolutely NO-SENSE.. I still navigate Saket ,Vasant vihar,Malviya Nagar, Khanpur IIT etc in the same trip when I just need to follow MG road nosestraight(Is that a word?). Otherwise I am good; when I am sloshed, I get better. Actually, being drunk means ME sans MY drawbacks/inhibitions. (Oh did I miss –MY SANITY, I think sanity is lame and tacky, well I thought it that time). what??
It felt, in those sporadic moments of stark realization, that I am already on a wrong way, so I managed to take some turn and well, reached Defence colony market. Got myself in a pub .Sitting there, I was uncanny in solving “Arrange the Word” Puzzle, hummed almost all songs being played, was amazed why there can be so many people at such small place, and what can they talk about so much incessantly. Sitting and observing is fun. Trust me,Do it and realize yourself.
By the time I was through… I was absolutely clear on what needs to be done and fixed to get me out of this slump.
So , I paid the bill, tipped lavishly, thanked manager for extraordinary experience while I really found him sketchy and shady the way I was looked upon, sitting alone in an area swamped by well-dressed couples and frolicking family. This is what I think I thought, from the flashes of memory that sparked at times
1.I need to get busy. Cliche,ouch!!. how easy is that to do when you don’t want to and ask me its the hardest thing to do when you want to.
2. I need to start reading books, restart writing, watch movies, tv, meet friends and “new people” and hello…spend some quality Stag time.
3. Stop pursuing what is mirage, an aberration. Keep your foot on ground. This should be the last day of this waywardness.
Good, so I went on to find the car going through right, left turns, mutilple times. Didn’t find it.
Another Moment of truth!!
“Am I drunk?” the blinking spark of sanity asked the drunken-swollen-fat head.
"Stop kidding me, I anyways suck at direction” "Its okie, totally, I am cool"
All I remember next was I was driving…and fighting some thoughts.. which can be paraphrased in active voice like this-- "As "another last ditch effort" before “meeting new people” thing can ensue, shouldn't I confirm, I really need to "move on" or "stay and wait" as this could be "it" and I might be turning back on "destiny"." The thoughts was so full of double quotes(" ") that it was too much of exercise for already seized mind. ..... and I kept driving... Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Personal, Supposed to be cheap Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 5:16 AM |
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| Netiphillia- The Malady of Netizens |
| Monday, June 23, 2008 |
Pete4u: Hey dr?
Pete With this id, Everyone thinks you are "4-them" oh so sweet!
Coolsexygal84malina: Hola, who'z dis?
Oh Malina- don’t you have more endearing attributes that you can fit into the email id.howzz dat "Coolsexydarkeyedbrunettesuavestraightgalwaitingforsomeone84malina??"
Pete4u: Pete,m,NY
A long pause of inactivityPete4u: Buzzzzzz!!
Coolsexygal84malina: Ye, temme
Pete4u: wat do ya do?
Coolsexygal84malina is typing a message
No new msg……
Pete4u: R u dr?
Pete4u: knk knk..
Pete4u: Hey listen..
Coolsexygal84malina is offline.
Pete4u: Okay, seems like bz, catch ya lateh, ciao.
Hmmm. Pete, great conclusion.
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dk_compi(Me): Hey Pete, hw r u?
Pete4u: hey , amma gud
If making it short were the rule," I‘m " would have qualified by miles.
Me:Long time, mate.
Pete4u:Ye,been stk 'p off lt.
Me: Oh, well.. wotva, So heard u in Toronto,hw Km?
Pete4u:WDUTIMDH
Me: :-
Pete4u: ?
Me: googled "WDUTIMDH" , no result :-(
Me: Wats that acronym?
Pete4u: "What do u think I'm doin here.".. same as u do- client location-Job.
Me: Oh, I dint know that lingo..
Before I could start repenting about my ignorance, here he goes
Pete4u: "vry lngo strts smwhr, alrity?"
ye, of course….Almighty!! Almighty !! Almighty- Gods- deities of English- Vowels are going to be obsolete soon. Sorry!
dk_compi(Me) is offline.
Where do you think Pete is from? He is not an American citizen, No English, no Canadian, nope indian.. He has acquired his own citizenship- He is a Netizen.
Pete is a character, a subject; I prefer to call him geek and he takes a lot of pride in hearing that.
Pete’s hobbies are making friends, watching movie, playing games, role-plays, reading, writing, talking, dating, socializing, collecting pictures, writing and current awareness.
He feels he has no time to pursue all his passions. 10-12 hrs in/about office, 3 hours cleaning and arranging daily routines,6-7 hours sleep,2 hours cooking,1 hour phone/tv.
Yeah, I am convinced. Ain't you, same goes with all of us-No time, huh?
So he made a way out and resorted to internet.
The above excerpt is when he was trying to socialize. He believes socializing and dating are like path and the destination,in that order. I understand completely.
He happened to be the talk of the town once. Tall, athletic, lean, dark and ever so effervescent till he discovered loneliness comes with its own qualms and prizes. I hate internet now, though I'm as much addict as he is. He has though reached critical stages of the disease, No cure possible.
Well he is still tall, there isn't any reverse-osmosis else he would have been short by now. But his height is winnowed by his diametrical blessings off late. His darkness has given way to patchy complexion.
We have not met for years. We don't feel the need to meet.
It feels that our relationship had reached metaphysical heights , we convert ourselves into indistinguishable particles traveling through wire full networks meeting somewhere in universe, embracing , indulging and departing as if we have been one with each other.
I was his roommate for a couple of months. First thing he used to do before opening his eyes was to put on the music. Now he keeps his system on standby and opens his eyes to see 100 mails, invitations, offline messages,
The subject lines are in all possible scary fonts size,text,codes. Samples( check your spam folder, you've got them too) :
# Luckiest person. REGISTER FREE
# Sweethoney waiting for you.
# 2 new crushes in Philadelphia.Meet them now.
# Blast your blog http://Pete-haveabreak / across the web
# **EARN MONEY UPTO 10000$ sitting at home**
# Travel free 2 nites+3days
# Movie forumz-premier members- Free movie online
# ** FREE COMMERCIAL AVIATION MAGAZINE**
# Pols and Pills
Oh shoot!
Pete understands the effort the sender/spammer/system has taken and appreciates it by opening each of the mails and replying to what he believes is fit.
We performed a series of tests to diagnosis the criticality of the disease "netiphilia" against his hobbies and see if he manages to pursue something and here are the findings.
1. Sports:
He has scored more than Theiry Henry in FIFA video games. Pass
2. Outdoor touring:
He has seen the Saharas,Pampas-Prairies, rainforest, Niagra, Barabados, Hiroshima-Nagasaki, black sea, red sea, Antarctic-Arctic everything over the net. Pass
3. We remembered his art of making faces :
He can make all the YM smileys even on Notepad. Pass
4. A lady-hunter.
He has been dating around 2 dozen girls from around the world, meeting up is never his priority.That will mean, leaving the laptop alone. Pass
5. According to his super ex-GF , he was a great kisser.
He still has great kissing techniques from smileys ( :-*) to syllables comprising mostly of the alliterations made up of a , m , u and h. Pass
He is 35 now- time to marry and shoulder the responsibility to carry forward his family lineage. He still not harbouring his ship. I think he is waiting for the time when the technology can make him a father through internet.
IMSTD about myself, Any counselors?
Wots dat IMSTD :-?? Ask me ;-)- I will tell ya.
-DLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, pensive |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:40 PM |
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| Imp: Somebody Broadcast on my behalf |
| Sunday, June 8, 2008 |
I am 13 month old kid.And I am already confused with everything in and around me. People around me are making my life no more easier. I agree I do something crazy on the floor or bed at times and do not care to clean it. But when I do try wiping out, they shout as if they have seen a voodoo-child ghost with a knife in hand.
My mom sometimes scares me to death. Even if I put that soft chocos that my uncle gives me in my mouth, she starts garroting me apprehending I am eating the chalk again. Now, I know difference between chalk and cheese btw. I learnt after first mistake- Someone with verbal communication skill, please inform her.
Misinterpretation is my greatest bane. When I want serenity and tranquility at home basically tired of my own crying, mom stuffs me with some peanut shaped cottons clothes under my pants and takes me to a camouflaged person with snake around his neck, glasses on face and innumerable needles in his apron.
My dad knows only one way to keep me happy. Barge that milk bottle smelling like Becosule tablets down my throat and force me drink it all. And when it metabolizes naturally and frequently - he thinks my tummy is upset, Why won't it be, I ask your honor!!
And yes, someone on a common communication platform as my dad, please tell him- don't force me to piss every 30 minutes, i hate his whistle- too infrasonic.
As if physical torture is not enough, they try using me to satisfy their inflated egos. I hate that.
Last Sunday, a very tall guy and a very fat woman accompanying him came to our home. I don't have a problem, unless they gang up to gag me.
Oh i forgot with a kid, they came. The kid occupied little more same space than me and displaced a little more air when it moved around.
The way it muttered words suggested that it was "she" and younger than me.
Are they trying to set us up? I wish they do, I came to the learning in my last life that male to female ratio is dwindling fast and its better to secure your birth well in advance.
So there you go- Crime against innocence and my rage against the elderly.
"Battle of whose kid is smarter."
Dad: " Hon, Say Daddy"
Me: "Grow up, why do you need to prove anything, pa. I will say when you give me that train toy which you have kept on the top shelf." I said , he didn't understand so i just kept toying with the new denim pant.
Mom: " Show the uncles your dancing talent".. okay.. almost picked me up like a polythene bag half-filled with sunflower oil, ironically to keep me steady on my feet.
1...2..3.. "Hujurr,,, Teraa teraaa teraa surooorrr ooorrr oor"
Me: "Shoot! Same song again. I hate that song - sounds like someone is forcing a pencil down my ear drums repeatedly". I refused to buzz.
Parents in unison: "He is keeping ill for some days. see how pale he looks. that's why he is lazy. "
Me: "I see. Now, that's a news a breaking news"
Other couple:
Dad :" Mini Beta,,, come come here" showing her something which was bright and shiny.
My Dad: " The Dumbest kid will come if you show something like that. Declared unfair".
well he didn't say it. I 'm saying on his behalf. A son's duty, u know.
Luring her to touch that thing...she says.. " Daughtie, say to uncle: "Good morning" "
Kid: "Let me see what that feels like touching..." well she didn't say it. I 'm saying on her behalf.
A very close friends duty, u know .. ahmm ahmm.. ! I 'm blushing.
Mom: "No, first say "Good morning" "
Kid: Oh Okie ..:"gaabbrraa maarabraadabbraa"
Dad: "Whooaaa,, bravo.. now give her that crap "
My Mom was looking right into my face ready for kill anytime.
Dad: "Now, go and shake hands with Aman.. "
Me: "That's the way aha aha , i like it. come fast!"
Kid: "Oh what non-sense.. neither i understand nor does he.. I can't interact with dumbos".
Her dad pulls her and put her down to my place.
Me: "I hope you remain consistent down the years, Mr Tall Dad "
She starts off with pulling my buttons.
Me: "I sincerely hope daughter follows her dad's genetic behavior down the years, Miss Cutie "
I continued to play dumb because i think that's the way children should be.
And yeah, I did say to her " Suueeettt haaarrt"!
And of course she replied back.
..................................
 by uprooting a few hairs from my top floor. -D Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:20 PM |
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| The tag of the Stag- Royal Stag |
| Tuesday, May 13, 2008 |
Me and my roomie were usual unattainable stags , friends of us were even better (read bitter) stags. The biggest problem we mulled over was how to initiate the talk.
Well, he always blamed me and insinuated that I being one of the rankers and in one of the most blessed Department of college , ie CSE, should have cracked it.
I, on the other hand, shamelessly in defense, blamed him for being such a hunky and the outlaw biker, sorry ladder, and yet a stag. It’s coincidence that he loves Royal stag.
It took a discovery of a white stray in his stubble that made him take solemn oath to break the jinx that fateful evening.
Here’s his attempt.
Target location: No winners for guessing right! Yes, CSE dept.
Our guy approached this girl and asked a straight question non-chalantly "What's your name"?
A pause in steps and a scorned look..
Our guy wondered, if he asked what he rehearsed or the passcode of her bank accounts.
She didn't respond and walked away. Brave soul followed with steely determination in his heart and interrupted again.
“Why”? she asked..
A question is not to be questioned.. Well, as if this is a screening test to test suitability of the person seeking enquiry.He thought and quickly gave up, saying “Why??? ..As in simply...I mean... just asking.”
“What’s your business?” Another level of authentication.
I ain't no businessman, a sheer mediocre BE student craving for love. He rejected crude thought. Then he thought.
May be I can say this. “Oh, I have got a female baby in my paternal uncle's house and they were wondering which name is "In". Your face tells me your name must be in.”
He started weighing his options in darkness of his own mind while she gradually faded away in the far dimness of the aisle.
That night poor guy asked me.. What's the answer for this "WHY"?
I said with an air of confidence. “See, dude, no girl is so easily going to tell her name in this village just like that. Just say " You wanna friendship".”
“No ya, she must have a guy” . he sounded despondent.
"Hell no, tell me if all the girls are engaged, why most guys are single. See, Rajesh,Shashank,Amit, Manav, Shiva,Guru, all, even Rahul,and even me.. huh” It’s just their attitude.
Ahh, There is a theory about "Rahul" as well, weird one. Highlights below---
* All sweet guys are Rahuls. I swear It's Yash chopra/Johars effect.
* All shashanks/Shekars/Sidharthas are mostly fair and lean.
*All Mukeshs are uncle-types.
* All Sandeep's are little fat.
* All Shweta's are little flirt and gets fat as day passes.
* Amits/Manishs/Poojas are usually so widespread that characterizations or pattern matching is quite difficult.
* All Rishis are quite womanizers.
* All Shobhas are overtly showoffs with little substance to back it.
*All Priyas are quite beautiful and sultry..
* All Malti's, Latas are fatsos..
* Manojs are wheatish and sport moustache
Well, no offence,, just whiteboarding what we did..
Back to the discussion again.I stray a lot.
"Oh Okie." He butted out the cigarette butt on the astray lying on his chest and put it down slowly under the bed.
Next morning, he caught her while she was starting her scooty after the Microprocessor lab.
Usually you get hot headed after that.He should have consulted me.
"I am Kamlesh, Mechanical, final year"-putting special emphasis on Mechanical and final year” As if she will pity hearing this and bestow some mercy.
Engine shrieked but din’t start. “Yours?” Stooping and anticipating some movement of the lips hidden behind the generously shampooed hairs.
“Oh.. I want to be friends with you.” I said loudly thinking, she still would be expecting the reasoning of the 24-hrs old question.
She straightened up and said" Why?"
“Oh .. don’t you know.. I am such a dog.” I read his mind.
“Why mean what? I mean simply.. I like you..” This is what he actually said.
“Sorry I’m not interested..” This is what she ultimately said.
“I just asked your name, damn it.. what’s the deal with interest here..” :-(
Engine started .
She went and he did what he does best. Smoked!.
That night again, he challenged me .. Our challenges were of the finest & rarest quality.
“Can you show me?” he asked
“Dude, this is nasty, non-sense.” I snapped.
“Oh , I meant can you show me that you 'can' talk to girls?”
“Oh K'mon, grow up. What's there in..” I said with a pretentious ease..
Anyways, i had said No to “No” long back and accepted.
Hence, the brainstorming.
I remembered, Manish- he is quite involved with them. What does he do?
Yippy, Notes.
But, i never take notes, I don’t understand other's handwriting, no matter how filthy and illegible I write.
Plus, won’t she know that I have 54 guys in hostel from whom I can ask. This will be so embarrassing and too obvious..
What else..?? okie,, I shall ask what happened yesterday with Shilpa, why was she upset- who the hell I am to worry? I have never worried, worse, i din’t come college yesterday. Then, why haven’t I worried for all these passed years.
No, poor idea. Okay, The farewell party. I shall ask where to organize and what’s new this time around?
Oh,, I never did those,, Do i have to lie just to talk.. forget.!!
I decided and shouted to my roomie standing near the far end
“BOND.. Come on in, i lose.. I sponser your Kachauri and cigarettes and the Maaza."
-DLabels: Friends, Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor, Turn The pages |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 9:59 AM |
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| Firing Bai- Part 3 ( Concluding ) |
| Monday, April 28, 2008 |
If not read Part 1 and Part 2 - read first.
The Title could have been changed to "Hiring Bai", but for the sake of serializability.
This is an year since we hired Pummy and a month less than an year since he deserted us. I remember the time when kitchen's basin was full of vessels with algaes and amoebas mutating there, the black garbage polyethene bag filled, tied and lined up, squalor undergoing metamorphosis and solid wastes converting to liquid- seeping through slowly, the curtains didn't move because of the weight of dust settled over them.
Pummy left us for a couple in Koregaon Park, the place has a better offering in terms of urbane exposure, amount of work, perks of witnessing foreigners and Indi-foreigners. I have heard he is Rajnish Osho devout now.
Job patterns and employee satisfaction studies show that people in IT industry(more of services than product) and Bais/servants(All services) don't usually go the full distance. Folks turn to philanthropy, religion, environment, NGO to cleanse their soul. Pummy added just another dimension opening a few ignorant eyes.
A lot has changed from then to now. I have shifted from Pune to Mumbai and now Bangalore.
A lot have changed, my roomies, my job, my lifestyle. What hadn't change is the legacy of Bais.
All the honorary members of "Bai Association, Bangalore" can still be fitted into the categories of Patli and Moti.
Bais here are more professional, rarely suspectible to exploitation and extremely aware of market trends and demands. Working model remains FP/FT and any new changes has to follow a change request procedure. They catch spikes in workload pattern very easily, performs the DAR/TARs ,drill downs to rootcause and delivers the verdict - " Bhaiya,, Bahot log aate hai aapke yaha,Mere ko nahi jamta". - CMMI- L5 compliant.
They command a more respectable and better calling name- "Bua". My mom still is not happy be it "Bai" or "Bua".
The Search begins:
I informed my friends about the current opening and the requirements. Got in touch with a few. A couple of potential match googlied me and took a reverse interview and take that -"On Phone". I could n't fire because they declined.
Association works here on horizontal geographical divisions as well as business verticals.
There's a fixed set of Bais- errr,, Buas for particular locality. Their vertical slice includes doctrine of very objective roles/responsibility.
"Jhadu daily, Pocha alternate days,Vessels cleaning, gas cleaning, and washing clothes twice a week. Quantitavely. Clothes to be soaked night before and no hiding of the brush.
Awesome, No room for vague and ambiguous compromises.
Sunday holidays are unwavering. Careful trend analysis done by them. After all, don't Saturday night parties render Sunday the toughest day for cleaners..
Cook-Bais have better renumerations and perks.Their geographical compass is larger and they work non-chalantly. Man and woman employees ratio is encouraging. I hired "Oriya-male-bai", who uses bicycle to commute, sports long manes, carries a pink comb, possesses an adidas sandal. He is doing savings for a Luna/Moped to cater to distant career opportunities that I have informed/promised him of.
He does little trantrum except that he loves to see "Sa Re Ga Ma" /"Antaksharis" and has a GF. I just have to ensure I don’t switch to these channels at wrong time at wrong volumes. He has a KolKatan girlfriend staying in adjacent district and visits her every weekend. If he enters the kitchen with cellphone on ears- I understand and don’t complain, Just prepare myself for a little more Mirch Masala.
~DLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Supposed to be cheap Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 11:41 PM |
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| Tortured Love |
| Thursday, March 27, 2008 |
This has happened time and again and I am not complaining, just sharing how overwhelmed I am with their consistent,ever strong conviction and affection.
My granny up there in stars must be missing the pleasure of waking me up and seeing my defeated drooping face.
It's early morning,4.30-5 a.m(I prefer calling them late nights).
Granny comes in, slid her robust,unassuming hands in my blanket and starts pressing my legs.
"My kiddo, hadbeen so tired.All day keeps on running.. Ch ch.. get me your other leg. pain will go away. "
The act was done in such professional expertise that it took away any pain whatsoever and so my sleep. Executing one of the oldest conspiracies against enjoying sleeping in its glamour galore.
Mom tries to be silent assasin but always fail. Motherhood always takes over parenthood.
15 min after grannies act.
She removes the mosquito net or the mosquito repellant, whatever applicable exposing me to symphonic sound of the sporadic but optimistic mosquitos humming the blues and ballads right at my ear drums.
My sister follows a straight, non-chalant path.
"Dhiru, Chai(Tea)"..
1 minute after that seeing sign of a body just tossing to other side.
"Arrey Thandhi ho Jayegio( Gonna get cold).. Get up.. I am not gonna warm it gain. Wake up. "
My uncle who is quite old is quite austere and getting better at it day by day.
"Dheeraj. Come, we have to weed out the garden.. Lots of unnecesssray shrubs and grass have prop up. "
Uncle, Am I a labour?Wake up and work. I object, your highness.
The best rests with my father. So and so much for love for his logical reasoning and philosophical bible and his fortunate son.
Act 1: Switch off the fan, if summer. Take the blanket/Rajai off and fold it properly if winter.
Response1: Switch on the fan, half awake. Unfold and hid yourself making almost a circle off the angular body occupying least surface area.
Act 2: Switch on The TV. News in volumes unusually higer.
Response 2: Pillow and Blanket deeper into the ears.
Act3: Strolling to and fro across my room and extemporing the virtues of waking up early to a non-existent third person.
To: "A young boy who wakes up has the privilege of the breathing in freshest air, keeps one healthy and agile throughout. Fitness is an aspect. Mind remains sharp and fresh."
Fro: "It's not that one has to wake up and study."Dangling the carrot? i am not hungry dad:"
Simply Wake up."As if that will purge all my crimes and purjery.
"One can play , go around,exercise. Rohan, guy next door, studies,Saha's son plays football.Anything."
To: "It's not, as if , one can't sleep after waking up. One should wake up, get fresh, have a cup of tea may be. (May be means, Tea is his copyright and its his ruthness that I am allowed to have it.)
Do a tangible thing. And then sleep. No issues. (Bargaining on quantity over quality, dad?)
Fro:If someone doesn't wake up, it's going to his loss. Even at this age have you seen me waking up beyond 5?huh? Now, Mom's included.(Two adults Ganging up against a little sleeping child.) How I remember days when you forced me to pee when I didn't have to, at morning 4 o' clock. I am not kid still, please.
To: Catch the transition.Third person to Mom to the Target person.
"Dont wake up.Who the heck I am to blabber all this. To hell with waking up early.I should just can the crap.Keep on sleeping, dearest.
Act4: Fans On. Blankets properly set.Ligts off.
"Sleep. I was not barking for my own selfish needs. i have done and still doing what I could do with my limited resources and exposures. It's upto you guys. I can only show you the right way " Response4:"Mom, tea please. "
"Papa, Uth gaye na... " (Dad, i have woken up)
He is gone. Picking up the newspaper reading the news he had read/haerd/viewed atleast 3 times. Nothing new in news, dad.
~With Love To DadLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Turn The pages |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 2:23 AM |
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| The Police Dress |
| Monday, February 18, 2008 |
Last weekend, a friend of mine went to this shop near Marathalli,(a place notorious in the pub capital for spoiling your shopping glee by putting up items on sale which you are wearing right then). He was looking out for a trouser that he could wear and go to the gym. He had already bought a water bottlel that breathes, a cap, a band, special deospray and leather gloves. Inspired by the girls in the gym.Nothing bad given he doesn't follow them while working out.
Okie, so he zeroed on to a trouser which looked straight out of a combat US ranger legs. Dark green leaves designed for camouflage.
He asked me: " Howzz this, dude?" I hurriedly pushed the shirt i was examining deep into the pile realizing I bought the same one in a brand shop and threw an honest remark.
"That suits you."
"Cool. Chal."
I heaved a sigh of relief . One of the most demanding, tiring pastime is to accompany a friend for shopping.Luckily, It was he, by the virtue of which I was immunized from either paying for the bags, caps,( can some validate if there is a sadist pleasure in forcing men to buy freakingly expensive accesories and not wearing them anytime) or holding those hefty and annoyingly noisy carry bags out of american chivalry.
That trouser actually unfolded a few event of my childhood.
I used to derive utmost pride and gratification in emulating someone's dress when was a kid, swear I'm kid stilll in more than 1 way.
Easiest and Prime victim of my whim was my elder bro. I made sure I accompany mom/sis when they went shopping on festivals for us. This was to ensure we wear same clothes on Holi/Dushera or whatever.
My poor bro, who was in his early teens i suppose, was pissed off. I wore the clothes early enough to be spotted first by relatives/friends/neighbours.
Now, when my bro went out .. he used to hear the jigs
"Why did you wear Dheeraj's shirt?"
"Hey look same dress as his bro".
Bro hasbeen sweet. He simply either continued or changed the dress. His angst came only during games we play. I was always discarded or given special discounts which used to hurt my ego.
Police dress episode:
I was in my village when everyone was surrounding me to hear a 7 year old kid is delivering his intro in English. My dad was seemingly excited in anticipaton of his son's praise by the jealous villagers.
He stooped low to my face and said" Dheeru Beta, give your introduction in English."
"mmmmm,, Na". was beta's sweet reply.
"Dheeru: You not scared of me?" Thunders the wind over my wavy hairs.
"mmmm, My police dress" My latest demand after the dark red tanned disco dress has sweeped off my feet.
Afraid of embarrassment and blasphemy, he conceded. "Will buy you while getting back to city. Ok?"
" Iam Mr. Dheeraj Kumar. My fathers name is Y K pandey. mmmm. Mr. Y K Pandey.
Closing my eyes with full force and commanding others to Erase all. Restart.
"I am Dheeraj. My father's name is Mr. YK... I read in.. My hometown, district,.. Post.. Police station..." Perfect shot.
I din't given a damn about the praise being showered on me or the scintillating dad's face. All i was dreaming was the "police dress".
On the way back home. I managed to catch a dress- a police dress hanging outside a shop. The board was so soiled that I couldn't read out the name of shop.I was on Priya scooter, standing on the foot-rest in front. It came involuntarily to me and i switched off the running engine.
Before dad could ask me why i did that, i screamed with childish lisp.
"Police dress!!!!!!!!!!!!" I almost stood on my thumbs , moving my hand right against his face, taking attention of his eyes towards the dirty, paleolithic police dress.
"You promised, buy now." Right in face. I am still same, straight.:) .
"hey, it's really bad. I will buy in the city." came the learned voice.
High on the heels already, I did a Mithun jump and "THUDD" on the dusted road and started rubbng my butt on road in anti-clock wise direction making semicircle on its locus and my little head in polaritically opp direction. As if trying to create an induction current.
"My dad being so genteel, picked me up from dust and gave those little good-boy doses..
"You are so sweet. This is an act of uneducated low classed kids. See , everyone is looking , Stand up and show them that u are obedient kid."
Motions -- faster, stronger.
Slap on the face and engine started .
My dad left me craving for attention and started driving away. Fearing my cries will be quashed by the engine sound, I enhanced the volume levels. Seeing no signs of mercy. I changed the frequency. "Sorry... mmm"
Here comes my dad and there goes my Police dress.
P.S: I got it eventually though.and a few more, Nehru dress and Jitendra shoes.
~DLabels: Humor, Turn The pages |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 8:19 PM |
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| Signs: Monday to Monday |
| Tuesday, January 15, 2008 |
-Run--> Notepad
 Day1 :9 p. m A few days back, correction, a few nights ago , I was traveling back to my place after usual office hours. 9 pm err.. yes.. No mistakes here. My earphone was at its place to avoid the songs that usually play in my cab- never liked them. Being a thorough gentleman, i prefer keeping my earpiece in rather than asking to change the band.
I got into a slumber pretty soon- I am ok.It goes like this I plugin my earpiece, drop my head on the head rest and gone.I woke up when a noble co passenger poked his finger on to my crushed shirt "Hey where do you wanna get dropped"?
Drop me like Sourav Ganguly.. oh , I said to myself ! Looking out of window.. "yes just here, Thanks."
Day2 :10.00 p. m
I shot the last email, describing the best i do- Raising a few more endearing questions and issues, piling upon the reasons because of which I am "4 man days" behind the "Planned" schedule.
-Alt-tab Ever wondered how a simple RS Aggarwal's Man and Work question would be solved by different persons? Q : If a project work is done by 1 person in 300 days, how many days will it take to complete same for 10 persons.
Ans1 - A logical bookworm : Given the same conditions, no dependancies and with no friction/fatigue involved, no gaps, no holidays and no change in skill levels and same resources and infrastructure- this could be done in exactly 30 days. My verdict: hey you didn't mention a word about the earth's rotatory/revolutionary motion remaining same with no celestial interference. After all that is what control days?? Please sit down.
Ans2 - A sales Head: 30days. Deal is done. Thanks, Proctor !!
My verdict: Aha- 10 lucky guys,, good luck.Weren't you all cribbing about bench/beach period??Herez your chance to prove your mettle. Ans3 - A project Manager: 40 days. We know this is not an ideal world. We shall keep 10 days buffer. My verdict: Unitary method at best and BODMAS rule with a humanitarian touch. Ans4 - A team Lead: 40 days. I am not qualified enough to answer this tough question. I just peeped into manager's notebook. It should be 40.
My verdict: Hmmmm. Ans5 - A Developer: 600 days. There are too many holidays and I fall sick every fortnight.Quality and iterative tests and reworks, Smoke breaks, tea, lunch, chat , forwards, attending Credit card calls and calling girlfriend. My verdict: Sorry to ask you. I understand you are not paid to answer this question. Oh, I did call up my Girl friend coz i slept in cab last day. Life is not so tough. Life is a call away. :) -Alt-tabDay 3: 11 pm I was able to keep the "-4" status quo. This is what govt is doing on LOC as well. No further damage done, basically, no progress made.
I lit up the last cigarette before boarding the cab wondering whether I will get some at my place. Being the lone passenger I could occupy the front seat where my legs can stretch comfortably, still not as much I can do under my desk though. I sometimes hadbeen resposible of unplugging my colleagues' CPU and wasting his allegedly 10 man- hours tasks.. Do you believe it?? :-). They mean to say they havenot saved anything for last 2 days. Not my fault- i was testing their professional habits .
Anyways, I started fiddling with my cell and finding out those unanswered or absurdanswered calls and started making amends. I knew, I was living on the edge. Day 4: 12 am In the cab, I started to find the calls i needed to make , saw the time and procrastinated till weekend. Another sign that you have actually resigned from life. It's all lost. I am calm though. Don't i like Budha's sermon- "More the desires- more the pain."
Day 5: 1 am
Wow, I am still in office. oh, I have a valid reason, reached home at 1 last night. So, came very late. By 1.30am when i boarded cab, I knew I am now "5 man days" behind.
I am in no pain. Day 6: 7 pm I am leaving early. It was Saturday and now I have no girl friend in my life now. Blessing in disguise?? Day 7: 5 pm At last I left at 5 evening. great job. wait its Sunday. I maintained , still 5 days behind. Day 8: 9 am Code is scrapped. Requirements have changed. Asumptions were wrong. Plan has changed . Now I am "0 man day" behind. I am just a boy - So, I say I am "0 boy day" behind. Hey did i return the last week calls? Did i wash my socks? Did i sell the Stocks ? My GF?? Windows L & Restart Err.. Needs a cold reboot!!!! ~ D Labels: Humor, Office Travails |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 6:34 PM |
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| Love Guru and the Frustu!! |
| Monday, November 12, 2007 |
I have a good friend of mine, who looks quite good (quite a contrast to my usual friends circle, It is always better for your prospect to hang out with not so good looking friends :)), hasbeen facing a peculiar and pretty common trite.
He has taken a solemn promise to himself NOT to go around with our gang of guys till he manages a girl friend. Another effort to sabatoge our gang by the opposition.
I remember he purchased a pair of fast track goggles and a bike just to impress girls.Good old Mantra. Much to his chagrin-nothing came out from that except for a recurring interests in his credit card bills.
Some one told him Delhi is saturated and there is no girl single there - Next day he started applying jobs in blore.
I remember he chose college after seeing some pretty snaps in college prospectus.Poor soul - he read concept of masquerede only in his 6 semesters after getting admitted.
Same goes for his company. One fine evening- after a few drinks he called up and asked
"If all girls are engaged, how come most guys are single"
I replied politely: This is because of two reasons
1. There a few dudes like me who have engaged more than 1 girl and there are girls who still cling to guys who are not single."
2. There is impropotionate male to female ratio in India. Google and find out"
High on alcohol and and my enlightling information he started feeling better and revealed a truth."Don't tell anyone but My parents have chosen a girl for me.I am soon to be engaged."
A few days back, my philanderer friend had a narrow escape. He found courage to wave hands to standing girl on the road side. Rightly said, When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. There was this huge traffic Jam right at that moment with no escape. The girl started approaching his still bike. He was petrified but she surpassed him and halted at her waiting friend.
Lucky escape or poor destiny??? i wonder
Last month, he changed his cell service provider because someone tipped him that Vodafone prepaids give 100 SMS free and he will have greater probability of getting return message from beautiful strangers.
No luck, obviously.
He asked a self-declared Love Guru the places where the chances of getting single and looking woman are high. He had been making rounds of CCDs, Baristas, Pubs and cool joints since then much to his dismay again.
He found some time last weekend and we sat over a few pegs. After 3rd shot
My Friend : " Friend, I know you since childhood"
Me: "Liar". I didnt say it aloud enough.
My friend: "I believe you and I really love you for your integrity"
Me: yukk!! please ,height of frustration. I thought. "Thanks ,I am obliged." I said.
My friend:"I am going to tell something I am just confiding to you. My parents are planning to get me married."
Me:"Wow", i exclaimed as if i didnt know. He has told same thing last weekend.You should be happy man. Congrates.
My friend: " But , i am not ready". effects of New Gen movies
What had i done till now.What face i will show when my wives/kids would ask me."Did you have any girl friends"
Me: Get me another peg.(Wives,?? You will fortunate to get one wife,dumb!
Me: Hmm.. finishing it off in one gulp. So, you shouldnot tell anyone . You can brag that you had a few. I am good at women psychology. I can provide you a few self- written love letters as proof and buy a few teddy bears yourself.
My friend:"Man, but I should have had." "What do I lack,tell me" . Almost like a convict pleading innocence.
Me:Get me another peg, I cant take this non-sense in my sense. "Look at me, i am happy this way. C'mon man, your parents will get you a pretty bride. i am sure."
And listen--
"Delay your marriage. Find her number and treat her as your GF with whom you are not going to get married."
My friend: "Get me another large.Sounds great." Apparently looking soothed.
"And know what ,I have it. Shall i talk now." he said with childish lisp.
Me: No Please!!!I reprimanded.
"Get this one.." handing over his new peg.
but man, I really adore you.. really i do...
He got into slumber with as smile of satisfaction and I felt good putting the restless soul to peaceful sleep JIT. just in time.
~Dheeraj
P:S: Not directed at anyone. Coincidences are not uncommon in today's world.Labels: Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 6:38 PM |
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| My first time |
| Friday, October 19, 2007 |
Let me set your expectations straight. No need to think you are going to have a dig at me. Yes, somebody did have a dig on me.And this is to supposedly deal with it.
Tired of swollen gums , I had my first visit to the dentist.Hey, guess what is common about TV, love and dentist.Simply put,"you can run, you can hide but you can't escape".
There are these Homeopathic doctors who will test your presence not only with seemingly irrelevant question but extremely long healing period,Ayurvedic doctors probably the final destination for the hopeless ones,allopathy- the quick fixers and the Dentists- the feared entities??
Now did i classify again?Thats what is called as working on your strengths...
Anyways, so the tryst started this way..
I climbed up anticipatingly towards the clinic, having read the female name inscribed.Mind you it was more of anticipation than hope. It's usually husband & wife doc couple who opens up a clinic. And i didn't want to waste to face the husband this time for obvious reasons.
As i was removing my dusty shoes at the doorstep,I overheard this dialogue --
"Is this the way to remove teeth. I almost lost consciuosness coz of the excruciating pain" .. A female voice echoed.
"You people dont know anything and open up clinics everywhere...O my buttons.. Will i ever able to east even?" despondence and anger homogenised in her voice.
I slowly started reversing my process,pulling up the socks all over again-feeling unsure if I should actually venture in.
Suddenly, I saw one middle-aged woman coming out of the chamber that looked like a mini-Operation theatre.She had her face covered with her hand as if cupping a decoupled part of the face that can drop anytime.. and behind her was the dentist whose appearance was no less tahn predator, face masked, gloves in hand, 2-3 instruments which looked like fork and knife at first sight.
I caught her attention pretty quickly and sensing a possible loss of customer, she removed her mask.:-) and politely said. " Good evening Sir, This is all done. Could you jus wait for a couple of minute.Please take your seat."
She offered a place where she can have an eye on me.
I sat and mulled over fleeing from the place...Wont it be too demoralizing for the doc? Wont it be cowardice on my behalf? My state of conflict and dilemma was snapped by a call for my name. I gathered myself and sat against the dentist.
She asked to me to get into the OT type chamber.I went ahead sniffing whether my socks outside are stinking enough to spread the odour inside the clinic. It was, i guess.
I prayed in my mind.Please dont ask me to keep my socks clean.I will wash it today. I made a solemn promise.
I was half laid on a pushback chair and she asked me to open my mouth. I followed obediently.She turned back and inserted a lot of arrows, knives, fork,mirror inside my small mouth.Yes it was not paining but the apprehension of pain is more painful than the actual pain, what the heck I am penning now.
Her face slowly came too close for my comfort. i just closed my eyes and let myself think about the dimensional modeling,cardinality and the entity relationships. The irony of the situation was, for me it was so awkward and for any other person who looks at the posture it would have been so romatic.
Anyways, she asked me to open up my eyes,, as if i were a newly wed Indian bride. I obeyed and she started showing me effects of all the bad eating& smoking habits i have cultivated. Verdict:In total 7 cavities and infection in gums. "You are going to be toothless in 2 years, if you dont attend to this. Shall i clean it up?" She asked. I just nodded in dismay.
She came up with a bench-vice kind of instrument which kept my face opened up and then took a driller and a hack saw all swithced on and raring to plough my pretty face.Pictures of instruments in mechanical engg workshops floated around me. These instruments ,, oh.. god.. Within a split second, there were all inside me.. drilling, scrubbing, woossh,, my teeth are not rusted iron which you can clean up with a sand paper..
Realising i can do nothing in this bonded position i decided to go back to the database architectural thoughts. Half an hour, my travails finally ended.
As i walked out slowly, i thought why people uproot their teeth. ... because they dont want it the second time......Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 5:41 AM |
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| Monday mourning |
| Sunday, September 30, 2007 |
Well, there has been no spelling mistake in the title even though I did ignore all the spelling corrections that my Rich Text outlook suggested to me.
Monday is the morning I mourn the most, Sunday is the evening i dread the most, Friday is the afternoon when I type in " I am leaving for the day" over communicator and log out with fearsome resolve. I ensure I send the onsite update mails early enough so that they get updated when I have already reached home and dressed myself in my newly bought Barmuda (or 3/4th ?? :( the person who christened that clothing ¾th have to be an engineer, at least a textile engineer ).
FYI, though not required, i have never seen, met, heard anyone pursuing textile engineering. Those who are around.. please stand up. You guys are rare species. Salutations please!!
well this gives me a chance to show you all the brighter side of the things. Lets go through them
Monday:
The most painful day in real senses, you keep on feeling the pinches every now and then.
You have to be drowsy given the love for alcohol that we IT people have and the love that friends shower on the weekends.
The day when men dress themselves the best and females, the worst in comparison to what their respective pattern is for the whole week.
Clean shaven, may be a tie, that white shirt or light solids trying hard to cleanse off the weekend hang over.
Now who look better depends which gender you are :). For me, its always woman.
Tuesday:
Hmm,, hell lot of work, carry-over of last weekend, messed up Monday work, so the attention for clothing is allowed to go down. Doesnt matter, work at hand, need to kill them before they kill your beloved weekend. Probably most productive day at office.
As Floyd sang" There is no pain you are receding". Pain of work and stress of job becomes part of your entity.
Wednesday:
Tuesday has been pretty hectic. if lucky enough to have two mild days at office, Wednesday is for you. Tuesday-Wednesday are like "Nakul-Sahdev of Mahabharata"- difficult to trace and differentiate even in a TV serial. They are just there for the company to get some worth back from you for what they seem to pay aimlessly.
Thursday:
Energy levels high, commitment level low, dressings got better than couple of days.(A change of clothes is welcome, Hary….. you wore same pair of shirt-pants and may be.. holy s***)
Smell of ensuing weekend is getting over, work is done because you are positive and high heeled.
Friday:
Is there a festival? Is this a professional client services company? Dress code.. is it something like pin-code only t be used by postal services?
3 o clock.. half office cleaned up.
There are no 2-way commincations. viz
Person1:"I am leaving"
Person2:" Hey u there??"
Computer1 communicator: Status message "Away".
Computer1 cribbing: "Please shut me down. Let it be weekend for us as well. Don’t leave me on please,,..... go went gone.. Sob Sob
………. 5 minutes later….
Computer2 communicator: Status message "Away".
Night Activities : Pubbing??, gossiping??,boozing?? sleeping??..list is on..
Saturday:
Saturday is the night over which my comments will be sacrilege to Whigfield. But I will, sorry for that.
The day pretty much goes on personal choices or may be compulsions for married people.
Sitting in TV room and acid-testing TV remote is popular, sleeping till noon is not so rare, shopping is fine, visiting friends who complained last Monday of your ignorance is one noble act, movies are always a popular choice.
Saturday-Friday are like “Arjun-Bhim of Mahabharatha”- suffice to do it all.
Sunday:
Fear, apprehension, mellowed mood, poignant behavior, minimum response( My close friend goes a step ahead and responds by writing a phrase and disapproves use of tongue and mouth).
People try to sleep very early but fail to do everytime. Sad but true, cruelest day.
Gyana of the post:
Picture is not rosy but think. while people celebrate hardly 30 festive days a year, we get 2 festive days every week.So, keep rocking.
and start Monday mourning thinking that it augurs another two festive days. :)
~fighting hard Dheeraj
Labels: Humor, Office Travails |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 9:47 PM |
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| Is the specie around you? |
| Thursday, April 12, 2007 |
Preamble: The only purpose of the crap beneath is fultoo and faltoo entertainment and a few laudatory comments will be a welcome surprise .Most of the memorable things in life happen in a surprise.
Disclaimer:The protagonist-- the girl, is a utopian creature and any resemblance to a person, working or resigned,still sitting beside you or far from you, is purely an affirmation of my conviction that the species number is overwhelming.
Caution:Approach with caution to the girl to whom you may like to forward it.
Mock Incident:
"bye bye bye, Bus arrived. call me back in a minute." the voice homogenized with the loud hurling of the stagnant bus.
She hurriedly boarded the bus and scanned for a seat in the crowded bus. Finding none, tried opening the driver's cabin which she found locked from inside.
Driver helped her ,helped himself, by unlocking the door and letting her in.
The guy at the back whose legs were cramped in the small corridor between the 'last row' and the 'left lane-last seat' frowned in disgust.
These drivers!! the curse almost dropped from his mouth.
Girl was happy.No one else will board the bus and she will have a relaxed time with his newly bought cellphone.She kept talking all the while till she reached her desk in the office.
Usual shake of mouse and switching on of monitor, punching in the password.
Can you imagine, if the keyboards had eyes? Looking in trepidation those polished and yet extremely powerful, offensive and grown long nails coming down hard at it.
She punched in her password in benevolent movement as if she knew she would hurt the keyboard. From the map that her hands created on keyboard, it seemed it was a standardized, robust password.
Any idea what kind of passwords people keep??
Anything from idiotic *****('iloveyou') to ***** ('rahul' ), from lazy ***** ('12345') to tedious-to-type ************* ('samrudhi@123+')
Thank God , the password policy's had made people roll their fingers all over the keyboard in search for special characters.
Moreover, girl followed the way to the sofa , looked for the newspaper scattered across the table.
Not finding the The Pune times, migrated to the next table.Yeah, got it.
Browsing through, looking for the latest and nascent gossip,Not much, poor fate!!
Silent Vibrator tone in her bag brought her back to her cheerful best.
"Hi, h&%$#(...............", voice slowly mitigated to nano decibels.
And i wondered how the person across the call was deciphering the voice.
I think if it was he, he would be assuming what he wanted to hear and if it was she, she didn’t need to hear, she will speak too.
While a man usually gets mobile with mobile calls, girls look for a reclusive place to sit and talk. Read deal and Raw deal.
The girl chose the rarely used staircase to sit and talk.
After a little less than an hour , gathered herself and went to her assigned seat to look for the work she had to deal with.
Girls always know to deal. Deal during shopping, deal during work, deal during conversation.And inevitably, they get the best deal.
The task is not enough to keep her busy for 7 hrs.
Picked up the beetel receiver and dialled a number. Almost 11 digit- A mobile number, Pat me for my analytical bend of mind and bark at me to snoop on girls.
Another 25 minutes of whispering into phone, she hanged up and killed one task.
Come 2nd task. While stifling it to death, she got a call on her cell. She picked up and slowly walked through to the other staircase on her left.Another 25 minutes.
Came back and gave a final touch to the impending task.
Lunch time.
She went all the way on some call looking for a shade in the way.
Gesturing her food court company to continue moving, she haulted to deal with this call as well.
Lunch over with as little food as possible killing as much time as she can.
Enough to survive and deal.
Final task- and the final nail in the coffin.
She roared in herself" No task ever so daunting could steal my talktime"
No interruptions. She responded 2 more calls duration each around 20 minutes with few dialed ones duration aggregated to say 80 minutes but executed in installments.
Nokia Battery put to acid test. They must have employed a female employee for regression testing for the battery backup. And I am sure with no remuneration.
Timeup. 5.30: Pack up. The cell is already beeping in pain like a dog being hit with a stone on its leg.
And I doubt, if the same saga of telling and hearing tales would have stopped once the charger is present there eternally plugged in , ready to refuel the ion tanker.
I was left wondering :
What do they talk?
What is the topic? Is it only one topic or is it different every time or does it start with one and traverse every topic?
Where the information comes from?and where does that go??
Where the patience comes from?
Where the calls come from?
Will the topics and contents ever get decapitated?
Will they too have a day when they say” Ha yaar, ha .. haa.. sure will do that.. I am fine. Ok chal milte hai, cha Bye” (1-2 min call)?
If a day like this arrives, Will their food get digested or will they stop eating at all?
In sab sawalo ke jwab janne ke liye—padhte rehiye--
http://dheeraj-haveabreak.blogspot.com
Dheeraj
Labels: Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 3:10 AM |
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| Pyar Ke effects |
| Tuesday, April 10, 2007 |
"Hiieeeeeii, What are you doing?" The GF asked sweetening the hi to a level that it sounded like a painful scream.
"Nothing!, just came from office".Unknotting the irritating neck tie, the guy said.
"Hmmm,So?" The GF enquired.
"mmmm?? nothing, will change now ". The guy answered reluctantly wishing she keeps the call now.
"Oh ok, why do you work so late in office?" GF in no mood to let it go.
"Arrey yaar, I had some urgent work." Guy frowned in frustration taking out the wet socks with the maximum power he could apply on the frontal part of the socks.
"There is one guy who is handling this MNC,you always have some work or other that keeps you in the office" Girl wanting to put some words into his mouth.
"Waste to convince her". Guy conceded
"Hmmmm".Guy avoided confrontation.
"What work do you do there?" Girl continued the relentless assualt.
"He will crack down and speak out what is the truth". she took oath.
"I know you want to start a bickering that will end up in a confession from me". he gasped
"Hey sweets , You wont understand, It's kind of technical".he kept his cool.
"I do understand.Ok!! I am not as dumb as you think I am,tell me." she ordered.
The sweet Hi has changed to bitter question.
" Fine".Patience lost and so the battle.
"I work for a Healthcare and Insurance US client.They are opulent or so my company believes or they are stupid, I dont care. They are topsy-turvily overhauling the entire system that was running very fine till we won the bid to demolish and renovate the perfectly fine brainchild of some consultant who happened to be from my comany itself only a few years ago. Now, the whole system is in mess and we are trying to fix that mix with everyone in a fix. Even, an efficient person like Shilpi and Rajdeep is finding it hard to complete the task in time. Since, new months data needs to be updated and available by next week, we are working late nights and will continue working so hard because we have more historical monuments lined up from the same client to be demolished"
"Got it??". he exhaled in exasperation and went to the bathroom to wash his stinking legs and threw the socks which had acquired a rubber band shape .
"Oh , can't you simply say you cherish to spend time with that Shilpi.No wonder you always disconnect my call in office. You never talk properly.You are afraid of people knowing about me.Your dreams will crash. Right?" she hit the nail.
Fearing the calamity, the guy arranged the succor.
"Oh come on, you know there is nothing like that. Everyone in the team stays late. We have our calls from onsite every morning and evening. We have so much work pressure. That's why I disconnect. I think I will call you back but forget in flurry of work. i am sorry." Voice imploring forgiveness ,for what, he wondered.
"Bye, don't call me ". Girl exploded
My telephone bills, guy calculated ,95% yrs acheivement.
She always hangs up during dying seconds of the minute.
She always hangs up citing "Mummy is coming,hey someone is calling blah blah, I will call back" withing 5 minutes.
There pops up no emergency when I call up? The guy continued wondering.
let me have the dinner.
Time:12.30pm
Action: Boy messaging the girl " Hey honey, I am sorry.You know I love you" As if he is not sure whether he loves her .
Reaction:A miss call @12.45pm from girl.
In a fraction: Boy calls up the girl and everything is fine for next one hour.
Chain reaction: Love is a vicious circle.You keep doing the same thing everyday, hoping something will change someday.
Cheers for love,
DheerajLabels: Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 10:22 PM |
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| Capital I @ 13 years |
| Monday, April 9, 2007 |
I was around 13 years old, I would have preferred using 13 year young but for the standards,when I first thought of writing forcefully.I purchase great honor when I admit I am a spontaneous person and it was my first attempt to hit at my sagacious thought process.
I tried to find out any subject on which I could scribble something and at the same time use the recently learnt vocabulary to a degree where I am not caught by any amateur reader atleast.
At 13-14, I was excusable for carrying megalomaniac and please-only-me attitude by the elite senior citizen, so no harm of being insinuated by them.
Here is an account of the first subject on which I wrote. This is not what I wrote though :).
It brought me pious hapiness when i stood up tall in my clumsy half pant(Yes, i wore it even till my 8th standards.For other idiosyncracies, please mail me back personally) and corrected the handwriting teacher of his 'RABIT' spelling.
"Sir, Sir, Sir(atleast 3 time is a must to catch attention of the class,No harm if you face tilts towards the female section even if talking to your teacher who is making a perfect normal to your flat torso) Rabit has double 'B', you have written the spelling wrong,you have only written one B" all in one breath to ensure somebody doesn't sense my catch and utters it before i complete.
Being too generous towards the house captain and the class monitor, he thought a bit and added
"No Dheeraj, Its correct".
Someone pulled my tiny wrist and forced me to take my seat.
"A brilliant colleague is the most hated one." I murmured in hushed tone.
The first thing after returning home ,I did was to verify my claim by looking through Bhargava's Pocket dictionary.
That thesaurus can be easily win the the oldest book available in most of the households.
And first 3 pages from 'A', 'Aba','Abbot' to 'Abandon' can win the most turned pages of the book. Every time someone tries to learn English, inevitably it starts and ends with the first 3 pages of the tiny creature more or less analogous from "Atomic Structure" to "Chemical Bonding" when it came to +2 Chemistry books.
The progression from early teen to late teen could travel for only 3 pages to 3 chapters.
Lucky me, got admission in Engineering and learnt to devour an entire book in one night-out.
"Rabbit": Gotcha, i shouted throwing my shoes off and removing back straining, ink-scarred, butt-torned, ball-penned, super-faded school bag at the same time on the first step at the entry to my sweet home.
To collect everything from everywhere is not the task of a brilliant student and scorned class monitor. Mamma can help herself.
The first thing that Mamma always looked from my bags is my tiffin box ,unlatching top pouch(she actually didnt need to, I could take that tiffin out from the small gap adjacent to central latch.)
And she invariably got a half loaf of bread, roti, paratha and little bit of whatever complimented the maincourse. And yes, a bit of foreign material. Friend's tiffin box and tiffin material always looked and tasted better, read in the same order. :)
Next day, "Holi shit!! That goon doesn't have his class today." I cried foul.
I was impatient to hilt.
First thought, "Go and catch hold of him anywhere and throw that thesaurus flat on his crooked face."
Instanteous thought, "No let him strip off in front of the class."
Final thought" Yes, I will wait till tomorrow."
An attacked,proud and incredibly able teenger needs no second thought.
Thinking weakens decisiveness.
No harsh decisions can be taken upon rational thinking.
Ohh, i am a born thinker, best intellect, best fighter, brilliant student, commanding leader,best looking "almost man" , and prospective great lover.
No wonder i shouldn't try my luck on the most beautiful girl in the school. She should come to me.
"Why did the beauty detoriate today though?"First thought
"That 5th standard Manisha looked amazing today". Second thought ,which I wasn't supposed to.
The night had been more torrid than some other night which was nothing but yesternight.
Next day. All hail Mr. Crooker
I cleaned up the blackboard as if I am clearing all the obstacles of delaying the chance to prove my mettle against the class.
Every girl is present. Good.
"She looks better than yesterday."
" What about the girl behind her?" Hey , I never noticed she has some special aura.
I will steal a look getting back to my seat. not a problem.
Enters the teacher.
"Good Mooooo....rnin......................nnnnnnnnnnnnnn Sir" in unison - perfect harmonics, but did anyone even used "g" at the end of "morning" in the class?
"Waste"!
"Sir,Sir ,Sir" hands raised before I detached my aching spine bone from the wood bench.
"I looked into dictionary; Rabbit will carry double b and not single b"
Thought of saying" You were wrong , I was right, I am right" I am always right.
"Yes, Dheeraj.You are right. I was confused. Good.Look , he takes so much interests in his convictions.He pays attention in the class. Good."Crooked one was a person crowning me now and so he is a good teacher now.
I felt an urge to keep standing till the last bell rings like the chivalrous soldier in shining armour had beaten a caged tiger and wants every flower in the arena to be showered on him.
But I sat. Knowledge comes with dignity.
Everyone was talking of me during lunch break and on way back home.I tried to avoid listening to self -praise but wanted more of it.
At home, waited for Papa to come eagerly.
He arrived at 5:45p.m (he goes by 9:55 am , he is a govt employee).
And told him the story and got a 2 rs new coin as a reward( A samosa for me and my new friend) and later on a few discussions with less-enlighted tenants about my brilliance.
"Way to go Dude" .Another restless night.
~DheerajLabels: Humor, Turn The pages |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 4:08 AM |
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| Andey ka Funda |
| Sunday, April 1, 2007 |
Statuary warning: Following content may be debilitating to weak hearts and may affect adversely your eating habits.. Proceed on your own risk.
Era:A year back during the times of Chicken flu!!
Attention to all desperate Non veggies, rein in the desires bursting out to smack yr lips with eggs and chickens.
It is an anecdote on my experience during the last longish weekend (Was it really long?? Good days pass in flash :()
Well coming to my subject…we planned to shun our fear and defensive approach that is keeping the poultry industry at utter dismay.
We decided to go for the very popular, easy to make, easy to eat Bread Omlete –
The Breakfast for bachelors..(I never miss out an opportunity to advertise my celibacy and singlehood :))
So,we brought two dozens of egg .It was pain of longing souls…satisfaction of getting back to normancy in dietary habits ,,
Nothing could take us aback that day…I even ignored which many of you will feel YUKK…Puking even while reading ..
But its stark truth..
As the knife fell with dripping saliva on the fragile neck of the egg.. something unexpected happened…
The pan was filled with blood and so was my fingers ..much like Ramsay’s Horror flicks..
But much like brave and confident Steven Seagull I didn’t make noise,,
Must be some mistake …I thought while enquiring of any bruises on my hands and fingers..
Now, Second one…creakkk….No,Impossible !!! It was an embryo almost fertilized to life……
Some figures I have seen on Discovery Channel…or science fiction movies.
(Now, Imagery hurts at these times)
Chicken lovers are deprived with one more life..Egg which cant even satisfy one empty tummy…was about to grow into a full fledged mammal…
But I didn’t let it happen.. I killed a life….
But I didn’t flutter..
Third one…creak..ok…That’s normal
It was okay with respect to what I have witnessed earlier..however, It smelled strange..
Anyways,,No more problems in the later editions of eggs..
I ate the much coveted eggs sparingly,. and fed most of them to my friends who later complained of uneasiness and nausea…vomiting tendencies….
But today the secret has to come in open. I thought it to write it in open for the benefit of masses and FYI for my friends.. :)
Lesson:
1)Take care when buying eggs. Better purchase, from place where there is a regular circulation of fresh and old ones…
2) Vegetables carry greater calorific and nutrient values. Read your STD 5,6 science books again.
Vegetarian,
DheerajLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 10:12 PM |
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| Firing Bai!!!- A day after |
| Monday, March 26, 2007 |
Parameshwar: His First day at work!
Software laborer of the ill-fated company took up the mantle to walk Parameshwar through his job description. He did a good job in making him believe that he will be getting more than what he deserves citing examples of what his previous counterparts were getting, comparing his job to his recruiter with stats and live examples. He is improved in just one day!!!
Each time I have to type or utter those 11 letter name, I vow to baptize him with shorter name.“Pam”? This was the first name that glittered— Pamela Anderson will sue me. Simply can’t name this mal-nutritioned chap to our endowed Pam.Let’s name him “Pummy”!
Bingo--- That’s suited for Indian mentality and our MTI.
Firing Bai in an unpleasant fashion can be dangerous.First, she knows ins and outs of you home. Secondly for working bachelors like us who are not sure of themselves where they gonna spend their nights, we are left with no choice but to hand over a copy of keys to her.
8:15 p.m: Enter the dragon
Knock at the door. Like an fresher full of zeal and fire to prove his mettle , Pummy jumped to the gate from his awkward sitting posture that remind me of animals ready to manure soil.(Oh shit!!) and opened the door with an authority of house keeper. His preeceder was standing tall (fat?) of her.
In her typical ear drum hammering pitch- she started complaining about the injustice done to her.“I should have been given prior notice period, now I am deprived of my share of work”. Communism at his best.I know why they ask for notice period. Just imagine the kind of attitude she would have carried once apprised that she would be quitting this ugly job soon.
And there he was standing in front of her eyes. Pam-- Sad, solitary, sapped off energy looking haplessly the giant barking at us.
Well, I with all grace in the world ask her to calm down and promised compensation terms of reduced work but still same salary.And most importantly, delivery right that moment. Money speaks in volumes, weighs in tones. Deal settled. She promised to send a Patliwali bai to return the keys to us.
Woes of Pummy:
We are group of working bachelors with added responsibility of college buddy who doldrums between MBA aspirations and job hunts.
This is just a clichéd way to say he is doing nothing. Pummy shakes us at 8:15 am separating awkwardly intertwined bodies of me and my great job-horse friend.
Looking at the mobile-(When did I last used watch to watch time?), I thanked him for the cup of tea and waking me up for office.But there goes the mighty legs of my horse uttering sentences decorated with curses, emanating from genuinely hurt soul decimating last glass we owned by the courtesy of Blendor’s Pride Special FULL offer. The end to another memoiré!!!
“What the heck? I don’t go to office ok!!! Don’t wake me up at your will.
When I ask-- serve me Tea” Ok?”
For the full day, Pummy was not so happy. He and my horse in the flat.
Pummy coming from a village in Bihar and stepping his first foot near CUMSUM had dreams in his eyes—to see Buzzing crowds, Skirt lad girls, high rising building and life full of merried crowds around.
Not to be—We have our habitat in WHISTLING PALMS’ with a marriage hall in right and ‘GRAVEYARD’ at left. That’s perfect match. ?Slowly Pummy will know life in fast lane is not as simple and illustrious as it might seem from distant village of Bihar.
~DheerajLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:13 AM |
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