Have a break: Imp: Somebody Broadcast on my behalf

I am 13 month old kid.And I am already confused with everything in and around me. People around me are making my life no more easier. I agree I do something crazy on the floor or bed at times and do not care to clean it. But when I do try wiping out, they shout as if they have seen a voodoo-child ghost with a knife in hand.

My mom sometimes scares me to death. Even if I put that soft chocos that my uncle gives me in my mouth, she starts garroting me apprehending I am eating the chalk again. Now, I know difference between chalk and cheese btw. I learnt after first mistake- Someone with verbal communication skill, please inform her.

Misinterpretation is my greatest bane. When I want serenity and tranquility at home basically tired of my own crying, mom stuffs me with some peanut shaped cottons clothes under my pants and takes me to a camouflaged person with snake around his neck, glasses on face and innumerable needles in his apron.

My dad knows only one way to keep me happy. Barge that milk bottle smelling like Becosule tablets down my throat and force me drink it all. And when it metabolizes naturally and frequently - he thinks my tummy is upset, Why won't it be, I ask your honor!!
And yes, someone on a common communication platform as my dad, please tell him- don't force me to piss every 30 minutes, i hate his whistle- too infrasonic.

As if physical torture is not enough, they try using me to satisfy their inflated egos. I hate that.
Last Sunday, a very tall guy and a very fat woman accompanying him came to our home. I don't have a problem, unless they gang up to gag me.
Oh i forgot with a kid, they came. The kid occupied little more same space than me and displaced a little more air when it moved around.
The way it muttered words suggested that it was "she" and younger than me.

Are they trying to set us up? I wish they do, I came to the learning in my last life that male to female ratio is dwindling fast and its better to secure your birth well in advance.
So there you go- Crime against innocence and my rage against the elderly.
"Battle of whose kid is smarter."
Dad: " Hon, Say Daddy"
Me: "Grow up, why do you need to prove anything, pa. I will say when you give me that train toy which you have kept on the top shelf." I said , he didn't understand so i just kept toying with the new denim pant.
Mom: " Show the uncles your dancing talent".. okay.. almost picked me up like a polythene bag half-filled with sunflower oil, ironically to keep me steady on my feet.
1...2..3.. "Hujurr,,, Teraa teraaa teraa surooorrr ooorrr oor"
Me: "Shoot! Same song again. I hate that song - sounds like someone is forcing a pencil down my ear drums repeatedly". I refused to buzz.
Parents in unison: "He is keeping ill for some days. see how pale he looks. that's why he is lazy. "
Me: "I see. Now, that's a news a breaking news"

Other couple:

Dad :" Mini Beta,,, come come here" showing her something which was bright and shiny.
My Dad: " The Dumbest kid will come if you show something like that. Declared unfair".
well he didn't say it. I 'm saying on his behalf. A son's duty, u know.
Luring her to touch that thing...she says.. " Daughtie, say to uncle: "Good morning" "
Kid: "Let me see what that feels like touching..." well she didn't say it. I 'm saying on her behalf.
A very close friends duty, u know .. ahmm ahmm.. ! I 'm blushing.
Mom: "No, first say "Good morning" "
Kid: Oh Okie ..:"gaabbrraa maarabraadabbraa"
Dad: "Whooaaa,, bravo.. now give her that crap "

My Mom was looking right into my face ready for kill anytime.

Dad: "Now, go and shake hands with Aman.. "
Me: "That's the way aha aha , i like it. come fast!"
Kid: "Oh what non-sense.. neither i understand nor does he.. I can't interact with dumbos".
Her dad pulls her and put her down to my place.
Me: "I hope you remain consistent down the years, Mr Tall Dad "
She starts off with pulling my buttons.
Me: "I sincerely hope daughter follows her dad's genetic behavior down the years, Miss Cutie "

I continued to play dumb because i think that's the way children should be.
And yeah, I did say to her " Suueeettt haaarrt"!
And of course she replied back.