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| BROOD |
| Sunday, May 16, 2010 |
The sun melted into his lap.. like that ephemeral ice his laughter missed her ears he cried without the device!
Coz tomorrow - he will miss the depth And he'll laughon it- Coz tonight - he will kiss the depth while he lies half on it.
As he Stares the letters weaving on the board, magically- the rhythm, and the cry on the cord just flew and diffused spiritually.
Coz, the hairs that 'fellon him left the trace of the wine- She din't hear the noise- neither those eyes cryin.
So now he writes in residuum- and forgoes her on higher ground, for she was ,his caressed being- he makes this esoteric, sullen sound.
And he wins- when he kills his belief- and when you read, ... he reads, ... and she reads, ... and understands the grief...
-Dheeraj |
posted by Dheeraj @ 1:20 AM   |
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| Binge : Episode 2 |
| Thursday, August 27, 2009 |
What I deduce And I kept driving and playing with my cell for a long time and till the point I faced a police barricade. I tried to pull down my eyeballs from under the eyelids to the nucleus of human headlight and pretended to be a discriminated, hapless private job goer who had to stretch on the Friday night. I managed a perfect “S” swing and escaped embarrassment and some fines. I followed a Moolchand sign which am sure is nearby my place, I still couldn’t find my way back. I notice there are a few places which are only existent on signboard in Delhi. Moolchand and Mehrauli are definitely two of them. They are visible from both directions of a road. And no one lives at these places and they CONFUSE me. I realized I am quite near to my illusive place when I found a “I miss u L” writing on the underpass wall somewhere. Talking of place, there are few places which you simply end up treading no matter which directions you are coming from or going to. Mudrika(for a long time I thought this is different from ring road, for longer time I thought This is misspelled for Munirka), ring road are such examples and you get overdose of them because there are two of them. There are names of a few places which makes no sense. “East of Kailash” is one of them. I mean-Come on! Christen it! Why just give direction? The first time I asked my friend staying there “Where are you putting up? He said “East Of Kailash”.. Pause… I waited for some seconds and enquired..Okay….. and… He said “ I have just one place to stay and one small apartment”.. I said “fine, so give me some more detailed direction to reach.. “East” of Kailash… And North/South/west of what?? Adjacent to what or behind /infront of what??” Another such name is Andrews Ganj. What kind of name is this.. Anglo-Indian?? Call it ”Andrews Cross” “Andrew Avenue” .. or call it.. “Saheb Ganj” or “Gopal Ganj” What’s Andrews Ganj? Well, these were not the thoughts that swarmed me that night. I just happen to stray…. Always! I couldn’t make it to home but I did reach NFC( Now, is there Old Friends colony, or Jaani Dushman(Arch rivals) Colony J too?) By the time the eyeballs had again eclipsed behind the lids. I went to another pub but I have no idea how did I get in stag. I believe I impressed another fellow dipsomaniac with my knowledge of world economy, middle-east medieval politics and Spanish Premier League which, I admit honestly to know nothing of. What I do remember that I wasn’t allowed back in after I came out to receive a call. Quenching my dried up throat, I striked conversation with almost everyone who came around me in a radius of a meter. Mr Office Boss, I am marking off "Can get better at oral communications and conversations" from my growth area. I received enough encouraging feedbacks about it. :-) One thing I remember after that was I followed my roomie, destination was home. Next morning I woke up with the best of physical and mental state- dehydrated and drained in that order. I regained sane senses in the evening to recount the events as they unfolded the last night. I saw the mile meter. I had clocked around 120 km the night. Not bad… had parked the car at the most difficult slot possible which I never ever was able to. I looked for sign of damages.A scratch at the back, worth a price paying for a fulfilling night; yeah that’s what I thought when I rubbed against the wall. I recalled the incident. To unwind mysteries of such night, there are always more cues. Wallet! I searched my purse to find ATM slips. I deduced, I had pulled money from Dwarka and Defence colony. Okay, so I must have run out of money and gas. And while I “kept driving and playing with my cell”, I actually drove 30 kms in opposite direction. And I was not playing, I must have been texting. Another cue, check the sent messages and dialed/received calls. A lesson: If accompanied, deposit your vehicle keys and your cell with friends, when you embark on the journey of self-introspection, riding on heightened sense of capabilities drawn from alcoholic amalgam. It’s a probably not worth doing if can’t be done otherwise. Irony is, cause is the reason at many times. And the mystery unfolded. And I deduced finally: Excessive indulgence kills. Something’s keep killing, something’s just kill and pass. Cheers, Dheeraj Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Personal, Supposed to be cheap Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:18 PM |
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| Binge : Episode 1 |
| Sunday, August 9, 2009 |
Building it up
Fridays are tough days. It’s always been. So, after trying to do a lot of things at the office and failing at all of them almost, I headed back (ok where?). On Monday, either I will have to fix up Friday’s mess or get another viral infection and stay put at home letting oxygen attain its level in blood.
Took the car out from the out-parking, halted to wave at the guard who shouted “Sir, aaj sab thik na?”(everything alright?)
“Nothing has been!" I thought and motioned my head in affirmation with a faint and fake smile on my face. Well, last Monday morning when I came to park, the security guards gave me strange look as if a culprit been back to the scene of crime. Oh Well, that’s not entirely inappropriate simili.
I remember last Friday when I mistook my car as a glider and the parking lot as a hill. That was a pardonable illusion until I tried to nose-dive the machine instead of sliding down the slopes. I am friends with them(guards/and drivers) from the day onwards..:)
This would sound like Pineapple episode from HIMYM or jest of the movie Hangover.. But it happens. Not only in Vegas and NY but in India too.:)
It was 9.15 p.m, getting home takes an hour. It would be a long, lonely journey.
I studied the ample sample dataset gathered over time, used it for pattern learning and deduce the artificial intelligence which echoed with sounding vote “Just a pint,Get home ,get wasted and rest, moron. Today is no day to take any chances. Switch that cell off and keep it somewhere from where you simply can’t retrieve till the dawn.”
So,I went to the wine shop and asked “A pint.” Handing over a 500 INR currency. Well, why the heck the office ATM can’t throw up some 100s.” blame it on ATM for anything that goes wrong now.
But it’s a waste! lager- get me a strong can. “Bhaia,khulle de do”(Tender change) he asked me.
“Okay, get me two can." I retorted back.
Collecting the change I thought- Good friend Bond is home. Better, I take 2 for him. Delhi shops will be closed by then.Wise, kind, homie.
“Bhaia, make it FOUR.” Round off.
By the time I reached gas station I had finished TWO. The Usual and customary was on. Calling people, connecting to the music being played in a peculiar way, volume levels increasing, feeling brave and feeling good.
Went down the THIRD one and I called up friends to ask them out to some place. Though,Everyone is not hell bent to drink his life through. Bad liver day.
So I went on to finish the stock by the time I reached home.Gave it a hard thought,measuring my sanity. Verdict was clear and loud “Binge, dude, You so have earned it” and by doing it you may win back your infectious smile and garner some happinesss. So GO!
Hmm, its 10 already,so Faridabad is the way for me. Btw, I am utter hopeless when it comes to direction, absolutely NO-SENSE.. I still navigate Saket ,Vasant vihar,Malviya Nagar, Khanpur IIT etc in the same trip when I just need to follow MG road nosestraight(Is that a word?). Otherwise I am good; when I am sloshed, I get better. Actually, being drunk means ME sans MY drawbacks/inhibitions. (Oh did I miss –MY SANITY, I think sanity is lame and tacky, well I thought it that time). what??
It felt, in those sporadic moments of stark realization, that I am already on a wrong way, so I managed to take some turn and well, reached Defence colony market. Got myself in a pub .Sitting there, I was uncanny in solving “Arrange the Word” Puzzle, hummed almost all songs being played, was amazed why there can be so many people at such small place, and what can they talk about so much incessantly. Sitting and observing is fun. Trust me,Do it and realize yourself.
By the time I was through… I was absolutely clear on what needs to be done and fixed to get me out of this slump.
So , I paid the bill, tipped lavishly, thanked manager for extraordinary experience while I really found him sketchy and shady the way I was looked upon, sitting alone in an area swamped by well-dressed couples and frolicking family. This is what I think I thought, from the flashes of memory that sparked at times
1.I need to get busy. Cliche,ouch!!. how easy is that to do when you don’t want to and ask me its the hardest thing to do when you want to.
2. I need to start reading books, restart writing, watch movies, tv, meet friends and “new people” and hello…spend some quality Stag time.
3. Stop pursuing what is mirage, an aberration. Keep your foot on ground. This should be the last day of this waywardness.
Good, so I went on to find the car going through right, left turns, mutilple times. Didn’t find it.
Another Moment of truth!!
“Am I drunk?” the blinking spark of sanity asked the drunken-swollen-fat head.
"Stop kidding me, I anyways suck at direction” "Its okie, totally, I am cool"
All I remember next was I was driving…and fighting some thoughts.. which can be paraphrased in active voice like this-- "As "another last ditch effort" before “meeting new people” thing can ensue, shouldn't I confirm, I really need to "move on" or "stay and wait" as this could be "it" and I might be turning back on "destiny"." The thoughts was so full of double quotes(" ") that it was too much of exercise for already seized mind. ..... and I kept driving... Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, Personal, Supposed to be cheap Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 5:16 AM |
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| 24 |
| Friday, July 10, 2009 |
"Right now, QA team is plotting to assassinate my superlatively delayed promotion prospects, my girl friend has broken up once for all, and people that I work with may be involved in both. I’m software engineer Dheeraj Pandey. Today is going to be the longest day of my life."
The following happens from 12.a.m to 1 a.m on the day of code deployment. For now you should know, I almost chew the cigarette in the carnal want for a lighter. My friend back apartment is finishing up my bottle of exclusive scotch. I have been informed that security have been beefed up on the only route I know from office to home.(How do I drive back without being loaded?). By home, I recall, recently, my family and new extended family have thrown all their resources and been flexing all muscles to get me married. The kids have not been spared of the ultimate gyana of "the most important ensuing event in their small world". FYI- I love kids- so kins are playing the tricks of the classic mafiaso. How everything has rendered itself much importance, is because the appraisal feedback closes soon, so any bugs logged today would have laid parasitic eggs in my nest of promotion. I have become hopelessly romantic with idea of romance. Since, fate threw me into the profession; I have never seen any hike or title change ever in my little professional life. So, it’s supposed to be vital. I had to stay back late after finishing the code and deployment because QA had to retest some pieces, and since they had to stay put- It was my moral responsibility to stay back to see them through. I didn’t quite convince them thatit’s like chasing dog's tail. What if there is something else toxic round there? Whatever- world is not without anomalies. We kind of agree to disagree. I am Dheeraj, SE at a consulting firm; people still think meeting is the best proxy for delaying deliverables, where life of all species around me have different view of how to make it click. Working late hours! Spending hours in something that doesn’t matter! Bullying! Flattering!. Having a rollicking drink with the boss, and what not. All in the game! When it boils to the person I am- if I know myself well- that’s all I need to know. So there are no rights and no wrongs in the “sensible” world. Philosophy aside!! The truth remains! Hard, fast, right in face materialism. So, I managed to confuse a bunch of people working with me- bulldozed them with military interjections, dazzled them with the subject area they had no idea about, bored them with the technical aspects that no-one had mastery of. Well, that didn’t mean I know it. It just implied I am smart because you have no idea. I somehow managed to have a cut-over, managed to find my name among the achievers and creditors - just because i was present, physically. Just because there were people around me more confused, more lost. Now the hour is gone and I thought was it only 24 minutes, 24 hrs, 24 years? Or just keep it vague at best- eternity....? "Right now, I am plotting to continue my superlatively delayed socialistic prospects. My life quotient has dipped to its abyss once for all, and people who care for me for whatever reason, still have lot of faith in me. People I mean for- don't figure me in their sketch anywhere. I am just another lost individual Dheeraj Pandey., not sure how to carry the responsibility of the asset called life. Drained, lost, cribbing, and trying to disapprove axioms! Everyday is going to be the longest day of my life, I suppose" Hopelessly Hopeless ~D |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 10:29 AM |
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| Happy Birthday D |
| Saturday, May 2, 2009 |
| 6 th May 2009,Wednesday.
Tuesday is gone... Today marked another step towards ending the journey called life. Celebrated the usual way.Faced with challenge to arrange booze on dry day, it was quite an adventure-avoidable but I am a royal screwer not for no reason.. Managed to reach home after tasting dusts of entire Delhi and NCR before 12 somehow.
Got the calls from friends... got the kick that would keep me limping for a couple of days atleast... Had put my cell on silent at night..missed out cab driver's call who must be furious of my daily tantrums..
Didn't go to office and now I dont know what to do with my time.
I had thought of things - beautiful, exciting, loving wonderful... did nt materialize... Not the happiest of birthdays but could have been worse.. :-)
Better luck next time , high hopes-
For this time.. just wish you were here....
Happy birthday D |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 5:57 AM |
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| It's coming |
| Wednesday, February 25, 2009 |
When enough ceases being enough,
When you are enamored to see her put up your cuff.
When proximity gets time running,
You know it's coming.
When the pause in the stare screams -"hence"!
When the morning coffee dissolves her fragnance.
When you need the fingers through your hair every morning,
You know it's coming.
When eyes sparkle and the skins glaze,
When phony ignorance turns to heinous sacrilege.
When aches smile and the wounds sing,
You know it's coming.
When embraces shrink into thin eternity,
When hands join to suggest conformity.
When you pay heed to every little thing,
You know it's coming.
When the speech mellows and words rhyme,
When the kisses transgress realms of time.
When the ashes starts burning.
You know it's coming
Love
~D |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 10:57 PM |
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