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| Netiphillia- The Malady of Netizens |
| Monday, June 23, 2008 |
Pete4u: Hey dr?
Pete With this id, Everyone thinks you are "4-them" oh so sweet!
Coolsexygal84malina: Hola, who'z dis?
Oh Malina- don’t you have more endearing attributes that you can fit into the email id.howzz dat "Coolsexydarkeyedbrunettesuavestraightgalwaitingforsomeone84malina??"
Pete4u: Pete,m,NY
A long pause of inactivityPete4u: Buzzzzzz!!
Coolsexygal84malina: Ye, temme
Pete4u: wat do ya do?
Coolsexygal84malina is typing a message
No new msg……
Pete4u: R u dr?
Pete4u: knk knk..
Pete4u: Hey listen..
Coolsexygal84malina is offline.
Pete4u: Okay, seems like bz, catch ya lateh, ciao.
Hmmm. Pete, great conclusion.
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dk_compi(Me): Hey Pete, hw r u?
Pete4u: hey , amma gud
If making it short were the rule," I‘m " would have qualified by miles.
Me:Long time, mate.
Pete4u:Ye,been stk 'p off lt.
Me: Oh, well.. wotva, So heard u in Toronto,hw Km?
Pete4u:WDUTIMDH
Me: :-
Pete4u: ?
Me: googled "WDUTIMDH" , no result :-(
Me: Wats that acronym?
Pete4u: "What do u think I'm doin here.".. same as u do- client location-Job.
Me: Oh, I dint know that lingo..
Before I could start repenting about my ignorance, here he goes
Pete4u: "vry lngo strts smwhr, alrity?"
ye, of course….Almighty!! Almighty !! Almighty- Gods- deities of English- Vowels are going to be obsolete soon. Sorry!
dk_compi(Me) is offline.
Where do you think Pete is from? He is not an American citizen, No English, no Canadian, nope indian.. He has acquired his own citizenship- He is a Netizen.
Pete is a character, a subject; I prefer to call him geek and he takes a lot of pride in hearing that.
Pete’s hobbies are making friends, watching movie, playing games, role-plays, reading, writing, talking, dating, socializing, collecting pictures, writing and current awareness.
He feels he has no time to pursue all his passions. 10-12 hrs in/about office, 3 hours cleaning and arranging daily routines,6-7 hours sleep,2 hours cooking,1 hour phone/tv.
Yeah, I am convinced. Ain't you, same goes with all of us-No time, huh?
So he made a way out and resorted to internet.
The above excerpt is when he was trying to socialize. He believes socializing and dating are like path and the destination,in that order. I understand completely.
He happened to be the talk of the town once. Tall, athletic, lean, dark and ever so effervescent till he discovered loneliness comes with its own qualms and prizes. I hate internet now, though I'm as much addict as he is. He has though reached critical stages of the disease, No cure possible.
Well he is still tall, there isn't any reverse-osmosis else he would have been short by now. But his height is winnowed by his diametrical blessings off late. His darkness has given way to patchy complexion.
We have not met for years. We don't feel the need to meet.
It feels that our relationship had reached metaphysical heights , we convert ourselves into indistinguishable particles traveling through wire full networks meeting somewhere in universe, embracing , indulging and departing as if we have been one with each other.
I was his roommate for a couple of months. First thing he used to do before opening his eyes was to put on the music. Now he keeps his system on standby and opens his eyes to see 100 mails, invitations, offline messages,
The subject lines are in all possible scary fonts size,text,codes. Samples( check your spam folder, you've got them too) :
# Luckiest person. REGISTER FREE
# Sweethoney waiting for you.
# 2 new crushes in Philadelphia.Meet them now.
# Blast your blog http://Pete-haveabreak / across the web
# **EARN MONEY UPTO 10000$ sitting at home**
# Travel free 2 nites+3days
# Movie forumz-premier members- Free movie online
# ** FREE COMMERCIAL AVIATION MAGAZINE**
# Pols and Pills
Oh shoot!
Pete understands the effort the sender/spammer/system has taken and appreciates it by opening each of the mails and replying to what he believes is fit.
We performed a series of tests to diagnosis the criticality of the disease "netiphilia" against his hobbies and see if he manages to pursue something and here are the findings.
1. Sports:
He has scored more than Theiry Henry in FIFA video games. Pass
2. Outdoor touring:
He has seen the Saharas,Pampas-Prairies, rainforest, Niagra, Barabados, Hiroshima-Nagasaki, black sea, red sea, Antarctic-Arctic everything over the net. Pass
3. We remembered his art of making faces :
He can make all the YM smileys even on Notepad. Pass
4. A lady-hunter.
He has been dating around 2 dozen girls from around the world, meeting up is never his priority.That will mean, leaving the laptop alone. Pass
5. According to his super ex-GF , he was a great kisser.
He still has great kissing techniques from smileys ( :-*) to syllables comprising mostly of the alliterations made up of a , m , u and h. Pass
He is 35 now- time to marry and shoulder the responsibility to carry forward his family lineage. He still not harbouring his ship. I think he is waiting for the time when the technology can make him a father through internet.
IMSTD about myself, Any counselors?
Wots dat IMSTD :-?? Ask me ;-)- I will tell ya.
-DLabels: Funny Sides of Events, Humor, pensive |
posted by Dheeraj @ 1:40 PM   |
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| Imp: Somebody Broadcast on my behalf |
| Sunday, June 8, 2008 |
I am 13 month old kid.And I am already confused with everything in and around me. People around me are making my life no more easier. I agree I do something crazy on the floor or bed at times and do not care to clean it. But when I do try wiping out, they shout as if they have seen a voodoo-child ghost with a knife in hand.
My mom sometimes scares me to death. Even if I put that soft chocos that my uncle gives me in my mouth, she starts garroting me apprehending I am eating the chalk again. Now, I know difference between chalk and cheese btw. I learnt after first mistake- Someone with verbal communication skill, please inform her.
Misinterpretation is my greatest bane. When I want serenity and tranquility at home basically tired of my own crying, mom stuffs me with some peanut shaped cottons clothes under my pants and takes me to a camouflaged person with snake around his neck, glasses on face and innumerable needles in his apron.
My dad knows only one way to keep me happy. Barge that milk bottle smelling like Becosule tablets down my throat and force me drink it all. And when it metabolizes naturally and frequently - he thinks my tummy is upset, Why won't it be, I ask your honor!!
And yes, someone on a common communication platform as my dad, please tell him- don't force me to piss every 30 minutes, i hate his whistle- too infrasonic.
As if physical torture is not enough, they try using me to satisfy their inflated egos. I hate that.
Last Sunday, a very tall guy and a very fat woman accompanying him came to our home. I don't have a problem, unless they gang up to gag me.
Oh i forgot with a kid, they came. The kid occupied little more same space than me and displaced a little more air when it moved around.
The way it muttered words suggested that it was "she" and younger than me.
Are they trying to set us up? I wish they do, I came to the learning in my last life that male to female ratio is dwindling fast and its better to secure your birth well in advance.
So there you go- Crime against innocence and my rage against the elderly.
"Battle of whose kid is smarter."
Dad: " Hon, Say Daddy"
Me: "Grow up, why do you need to prove anything, pa. I will say when you give me that train toy which you have kept on the top shelf." I said , he didn't understand so i just kept toying with the new denim pant.
Mom: " Show the uncles your dancing talent".. okay.. almost picked me up like a polythene bag half-filled with sunflower oil, ironically to keep me steady on my feet.
1...2..3.. "Hujurr,,, Teraa teraaa teraa surooorrr ooorrr oor"
Me: "Shoot! Same song again. I hate that song - sounds like someone is forcing a pencil down my ear drums repeatedly". I refused to buzz.
Parents in unison: "He is keeping ill for some days. see how pale he looks. that's why he is lazy. "
Me: "I see. Now, that's a news a breaking news"
Other couple:
Dad :" Mini Beta,,, come come here" showing her something which was bright and shiny.
My Dad: " The Dumbest kid will come if you show something like that. Declared unfair".
well he didn't say it. I 'm saying on his behalf. A son's duty, u know.
Luring her to touch that thing...she says.. " Daughtie, say to uncle: "Good morning" "
Kid: "Let me see what that feels like touching..." well she didn't say it. I 'm saying on her behalf.
A very close friends duty, u know .. ahmm ahmm.. ! I 'm blushing.
Mom: "No, first say "Good morning" "
Kid: Oh Okie ..:"gaabbrraa maarabraadabbraa"
Dad: "Whooaaa,, bravo.. now give her that crap "
My Mom was looking right into my face ready for kill anytime.
Dad: "Now, go and shake hands with Aman.. "
Me: "That's the way aha aha , i like it. come fast!"
Kid: "Oh what non-sense.. neither i understand nor does he.. I can't interact with dumbos".
Her dad pulls her and put her down to my place.
Me: "I hope you remain consistent down the years, Mr Tall Dad "
She starts off with pulling my buttons.
Me: "I sincerely hope daughter follows her dad's genetic behavior down the years, Miss Cutie "
I continued to play dumb because i think that's the way children should be.
And yeah, I did say to her " Suueeettt haaarrt"!
And of course she replied back.
..................................
 by uprooting a few hairs from my top floor. -D Labels: Funny Sides of Events, Holy war b/w Man and Woman, Humor |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 1:20 PM |
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