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| It was She, Part 6 [Concluding] |
| Monday, August 11, 2008 |
The Trials and the trails
His vacations were over soon. He went back to the college and the first night, he got that SMS
“Sorry, I am really sorry, but please don’t take me wrong. I am moving to Delhi for studies.”
He replied back “I remember the best 30 seconds of my life. I did talk to you. Thanks for it. “
There was nothing after that.
Months simply flew by but the dust never actually got settled permanently.
N.Delhi, 2004 and back
Delhi was bigger than Ranchi, he enquired Ramjas hostel and the Miranda house based on his leads- the probable places and kept his eyes open all the time in the streets of New Delhi. The same old tricks- keep eyes open, hope to have another stroke of “signs”, pretend to be a family to get things out. There were no whereabouts.
It was out of a Bollywood movie, he laughed thinking alone at times.
He returned back to college while he still had a few days of vacations left.
Hostel was sparsely inhabitant. He got time to turn the pages of his life and think through.
He realized it to be something which didn’t have an end- just a futile mirage, a fruitless endeavor, a self- indulging obsession, a tiring journey without any mélange with the destination, an aberration or even an inflicted paranoia.
“I just don’t want to be happy and am actually enjoying this. I want to keep the wound alive; my mind is prejudiced that I can’t be complete without this.” He tried convincing himself.
But he couldn’t gather any answer for some of his own questions.
“Why something had to be born and stay alive, if it’s not destined to grow or even die?
Why isn’t reasoning, grace and response part of love?”
Why can’t love survive without strokes of multiple coincidences?
Why the most natural feeling have to be so torturous to express and tortuous to attain?
Why the sweetest of all emotions have to be so grudged and tested?
Why I have to force things to happen when it needed no force to get into me?”
He disagreed to believe this is just “it”.
He wrote a few mails, sensing no response, held back. The sporadic mails written out in the moments of enlightening weakness, borne out of drunkenness started throwing mailer demons. Her number never got through.
He went back home after his final exams and had a couple of months before he would move to Mysore for his first job.
He desperately wanted to see her, talk to her, the one chance he craved for years. He was sure he would need no more than 30 seconds. That’s all.
He used his old method of dialing 198 to find out her home number but couldn’t break through the new address.
Raj felt a tickle in his ribs remembering his Sherlock Holmes modus operandi. How he went to the telephone exchange to get a duplicate copy of her telephone bill posing as a family? How idiosyncratic of him to try sounding like a girl on phone to get more information out of her family? He smiled and gasped. He didn’t have any regrets. He owned it and loved it. He was father of the relationship and he was just nursing it.
The effort was futile as she never picked up nor was she ever seen again. He spent most of his afternoons and the evenings at the tea stall near her house for two months waiting to steal a few seconds of her fading imagery.
He thought of dropping a letter but remembered the promise to her.
In utter hopelessness, he called up her father and spoke his heart a night before he would leave.
The jest was nothing more than “him not being a philanderer and wanting just a few moments with her and requesting him to spare her from any uncomfortable questions that he might want to ask because of his call. “
He listened like a thorough gentleman and responded as a thorough protective father.
The response was not unexpected but Raj felt relieved to have given a shot.
3 years later, Now.
Raj looked at his watch. It was 5 minutes to 12 midnight now. His birthday is a few minutes later.
He got to ward off the smell of smoke before his younger brother would come looking out and put the smoke alarm on.
He had asked him the same day when he dropped him off to his school, pointing to the next crossing with an innocent twinkle in his eyes -
“Big B, This was your silky route, I remember”
“Dude, go study, you are in 4th standard now, not a kid. Come with Shubham – I won’t be able to pick you up. Bye junior.”
“Bye, senior” he said giggling.
“Yes, it’s my birthday and she would be a year married now too.” He smiled.
The smile that insinuated him “Incorrigible, you romantic fool”.
“What “this” sign suppose to mean now?” This innuendo was directed to the moon above.
“Ye,,,,,,, sweetie, come on in” . He closed his laptop and shouted exultantly as he saw the junior running towards him, rubbing his eyes to be the first to wish him.
Long Live Love
-Dheeraj
P.S : Concluding Not Ending!Labels: Let's Talk Love, Turn The pages |
posted by Dheeraj @ 10:59 PM   |
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| It was She. Part-5 |
| Wednesday, August 6, 2008 |
The Aberration
13 days after the letter
Raj was restless to get a reply from her. He kept refreshing his mailbox just to be disappointed. It was not going to be a long wait, he was hopeful.
On the 13th day after he dispatched the letter, he received an email. He read it at least 100 times
"Hi Raj,
Who are you…… how did you get my address. Please don’t create any problems for me.
Do I know you…. I admit I am overwhelmed by your letter but…… I don’t even know you" Have we met ?....
Tell me everything about yourself.
Mail back.
-BIIIIIII"
They exchanged a couple of mails. It was established that they were friends.
It was June 26 when she told it was her birthday while he was chatting with her.
She asked "So, what’s on my birthday? It’s today"
Raj "OMG, you should have told me earlier. I am leaving, bye and check your mail after sometime."
He logged off and ran to his hostel room, said sorry to his diary, tore a page from it and typed in the first poem that he had written for her and sent it.
Next day he got a mail
"Raj,
I can’t express how I feel. It is the best birthday gift I have ever received. I can’t believe someone could love me this much.
This is my cell number.
Thank you for this and I … well.. I really feel as the most beautiful girl in the world"
He spent hours in the computer lab just to read it as if trying to compensate his years of disappointments with this moment of fulfillment.
Raj threw a party for his hostel friends. A treat, which no one knew the reason for. They didn’t mind, so didn’t Raj.
Tired of sitting and conjecturing the past, Raj felt an urge to relive the moment. He went downstairs to get his laptop and a cigarette.
He came running back on roof and searched his rediff mailbox again to read the mails.
It was the same feeling. Seemed, he was transported to the corner seat of his computer lab, 5 years back, same lisp, same beats, same moist eyes and the same cunning smile,
A smile that insinuated him "Incorrigible, you romantic fool".
They had started exchanging SMS. Every time his Siemens A-21 beeped, he rushed to see the message.
Most of the time, cursed the shameless promoters and the long "Opening Inbox" message of his cheap mobile.
A month had passed and he, first time in 3 years since he left home, actually got excited to get back for vacations.
Amidst of his exams he got that SMS from her.
"I won’t be in the city and would be back after 2 months."
It didn’t deter him. He pressed and found out which city she was, but nothing else.
She replied back "Don’t ask, Best of luck and please don’t try to contact me, please."
He called up on her cell only to find someone else asking him not to trouble her again.
His exams were over and he was at his hometown. He hadn’t heard from her for 2 weeks now.
He made an excuse at home and went to Ranchi. There she was, somewhere.
Ranchi, 2003
4 days passed. He was at his hostel roomie’s residence. He thought "how foolish of me to do this?"
Dejected, on the planned departure day, he leisurely picked up the newspaper on the table and was looking for sports section when he got startled to see an image.
"How can it be? Oh my good. It’s a sign."
He saw her snap in the supplement paper.
He called up home and said "Mom, I would come later, not tonight."
He called up the writer of the article where she had posed as a model. She refused to knowing her. He called upon the number given on the supplement and pretended to be all kind of person to get her contact number- police, journalist, correspondent, modeling agent, an estranged family. He couldn’t get through.
2 days more- nothing. Finally, he asked his friend to come with him to collect the bus tickets.
He was sitting in the pillion seat of the bike. Hardly 500 meters away from his friends place, he saw a girl in a Van passing by. He could just see her tresses.
Raj: "Mate, drive adjacent to the van"
Kam:"Dude, this is my street, don’t bring disrepute to me. You will find many to chase once we get on Firayilal"
Raj: "Just cross the van slowly, please, please, please".
Kam: "Okay."
Yes, it was she…again.
He felt tricked, exhausted by the pranks providence was playing with him.
They followed her 30 miles away from city, waited outside an apartment in the outskirts for 2 hours till he saw her coming and take the route back.
Not to mention, Raj financed the gasoline charges and promised a lot of goodies for his friend in return of the favor.
Half an hour later, she stepped into city centre’s Punjabi sweet corner. Kam tried out all the sweets that he never heard of or couldn't pronounce while Raj had coffee and chilled cola together.
He couldn’t gather courage to approach her. She was with family, it seemed.
Tomorrow! He decided after finding her place just at a long jump distance.
Next morning after waiting for 3 hours she came out and went to a grocery store.
He inhaled all the oxygen his lungs would require in a matter of few moments and went inside.
On her back he said "Hi, ummmuhh, Hi" You recognize me?"
"Well, please stop this for heaven's sake. You followed me last day, do you have any idea, how much trouble does it spell for me?
"Okay... Listen just one thing.. Give me 1 minute, please."
"Shut up and go,"
"Listen; Meet me at Kaveri tomorrow, 4. I will wait. Please, just for a few minutes."
She was gone and never turned up.
Forlornly, he scissored the newspaper to take her snap, thanked his friends and headed home.
On his way back, he thought of drugging himself to unclutter his mind from the thoughts but sense prevailed.
He called up home and said cheerfully "Mama, sorry, it was my friend's birthday, I am coming home."
-DLabels: Let's Talk Love, Turn The pages |
| posted by Dheeraj @ 8:39 PM |
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